Wednesday, April 30, 2008

bye bye brookie

Brooke cried her way home tonight, y'all. And man, did she ever! Pull yourself together, Sobbing Susan. This is live TV. There are no take-backs. I was kinda sad because she looked so devastated. And Syesha looked so shocked that she was safe, didn't she? I am happy about this week's elimination, although I was so scared when David Cook walked onstage because I thought if he was the third one called out, then that surely meant he was one of the bottom ones. But alas, he was a safe kiddo. Whew.

Let's dish about this. Is Natasha Bedingfield not the cutest, most darling thing in the universe? There are few people in this world that I could look at for days. What I mean is, there are people that are so fascinating to me (I'm talking about physical appearance only here in this contained list) that I enjoy looking at them for long periods of time. In fact, my list is quite short. It can be anyone ranging from friends to celebrities, simply because I invented the list. It goes a little something like this:

--my BFF & college roommate, Lindsay Norman (so beautiful)
--my best friend from high school & prom date, Cory Assink (he's a cutie & incidentally, he's the guy in all the Dell computer commercials...totally random, I know)
--my hubs (totally a hottie...see picture to your left)
--Ethan Hawke (ditto)
--Carrie Underwear (her skin is like a porcelain doll's, so perfect)


--Natasha Bedingfield!

She's made the list! Congratulations to you, Miss B. I know you've been waiting with bated breath & I know you must be so proud. In all seriousness, she's just a really pretty girl with a really pretty voice. My mom asked me how old she was & I threw out "maybe 30, 31?" My mom said, "No! She's no spring chicken! I think she's 35 or older." Come to think of it, she really didn't look that young. But when I went to the ole' trusty IMDB for my research, turns out she's only 27! She does look older than that. Surprising, although I've always sucked at the "let's guess my age" game. That's a mean game anyway.

In the same conversation with my mom, she LOVED Neil Diamond's song he performed. She thought it was OTT. (that's over the top, for you non-text-messagers out there) I, on the other hand, did not. It sounded like "Sweet Caroline" all over again.

Ryan, of course, had to jump on the gossip gate & try to kill all the rumors going around about Paula & her wacked out behavior last night. What he really did was just add fuel to the fire. Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

Can you believe we're down to the final 4? We're finally getting to the nitty-gritty.
peace out homos.

I'll leave you with this and only this:


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

a diamond is forever...

and Neil has been alive for what looks like forever. And let me not forget that he also sounds like he has something along the lines of throat cancer, or laryngitis, or something weird going on with his voice. Why is it so scratchy? Is that just because he's 100 years old? Maybe. He actually looks pretty good for his age. So here we are, down to the Final Five-o. Let's chew the fat:
P.S. Paula must have gotten the memo that tonight is Prom Night. She's got a crazy up-do & is wearing a weird ruffle-ey strapless dress. All that's missing is her corsage.

Jason Castro: He sings "Forever in Blue Jeans" & does not wow me in the slightest. He makes faces when he hits his high notes like they're pretty high, when in actuality, they're really not that high at all. It seems like he has about a 5-note range. Gotta love the teenagers who vote for him strictly for his dreds & could not care less about his voice. That's exactly how Carly got kicked off last week. Please vote wisely, kids. Randy thought it was "just OK". Paula loved hearing his lower register (what lower register?) & then SNAP!!! Oh no she didn't. She must really be at her prom because she's already drunk & has completely lost her mind. She gave Jason her thoughts about both songs when he had only done one song. Thank God this is live TV because I would've been so pissed if they edited that junk out. Oh, just when I think it can't get any better, FOX fills Paula's flask a little fuller. Simon thought it was forgettable.

David Cook: Wow, I was just given way too much information from Ryan-AAAAAAAAA-merican-Idol-Seacrest. Although let's all be honest with ourselves: are we at all surprised that he used to sing in front of the mirror with a hairbrush to Neil Diamond? Surely not. And when I say 'used to', I really mean last night.
When David rehearsed the song, Neil got goose bumps. That right there should get him through to next week. David does "I'm Alive" & does great. But I'm pulling for the sweetie pie, so of course I'm gonna give him props. Randy thought he was in the zone & very strong. Paula-too dumb to write a review. Simon-above average.

Brooke White: Does "I'm a Believer" on guitar. She looks like she's wound up so tight, she might explode from her nervousness. This does not make me like her. Her pants are from Satan himself. Is that glitter or sequins painted on them? I choose not to look anymore. She does another whoop & holler during her song which makes me want to strangle myself with her guitar strap. She does OK playing guitar, but I'm not so hot with her singing. Not wowed yet again. We'll see how her second ditty goes. Randy thought it was too karaoke. Jesus heard my plea. Paula-again, too dumb. Simon-nightmare. True dat.

David Archuletta: Is his usual blubbering self around Neil. Lots of giggles, airy breathing, & awkward moments. This cat chooses to do "Sweet Caroline". He pops it up even more than humanly possible, & the girls go wild. Ooohhh, I'm so over this guy. Randy thinks he's da bomb. Simon-Amateurish. I'm totally in love with Simon tonight because we are in agreement. Maybe we're really meant to be together after all.

Syesha: Girlfriend does "Hello Again". Neil Diamond acts like he might have a crushy-crush on Syesha. Hmmm...didn't see that one coming. Syesha was obviously reading my mind this week when I was thinking what she would look like if she used a straightener on her hair. Thank you mind-reader. Her hair does look bad to the bone tonight. Randy thought she was in the zone, while Simon thought it was old fashioned.

Then Simon goes all parenthood on them & gives them a quick lecture on being Top-Five material. You tell 'em.


Jason Castro: "September Morn"...wait, I just woke up...what just happened? I woke myself up snoring, that's how bored I was. Randy thought it was just OK, Paula thought he was choosing safe songs, & Simon thought he wasn't himself.

David Cook: He does "All I Really Need is You" & sounds delicious. Randy thought it was blazin, Paula was so proud of him, & Simon thought it was brilliant. Wahoo!!! Well done sweetheart. Is it weird that I'm calling him terms of endearment when I've never met him? Probably. But I'm gonna keep on keepin on.

Brooke White: She got her feelings hurt because Simon said it was a nightmare. It's time to man up, Brookie. She does a piano song that actually sounds a lot better than her first song. I keep getting more awkward for her every single week. Yes, we probably all realized that her ending note was completely off. But does she really need to say that she hit a bad note after the last piano note was played? It's like she's constantly stuck in the confessional room on the Real World. She's always saying what mistakes she made, what she thinks, how she can agree with everyone, yada yada yada. Enough is enough.
Randy thought it was good, Paula thought it worked, & Simon thought it was the Brooke that he liked. She was lost, but now she's found.

David Archuletta: Sings "America" & I'm thanking God that Ben isn't here to see this blasted mess. He would be fighting mad at his rendition. Does David listen to Mix102.9 all day every day? Does he sit around & dream about how to screw up a song? I didn't realize I was watching 40-Something-Woman-Idol...I was under the impression that this was American Idol. Randy thought he was in the zone, Paula thought it was the perfect song for him (have another), & Simon thought it was a clever song choice.

Syesha: Does "Thank the Lord for the Nighttime" & I'm completely entertained. I think she needs to do musical theater. She brought the house down. Randy thought she was great, Paula thought she was good at both songs, & Simon thinks she's a good actress/singer, although she may be in trouble.

OK here's my bottom two:

Jason Castro

I'm crossing my fingers & toes that Brooke gets the hell outta here this week.
Meet me tomorrow night & we'll talk about it.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

arrest my development

I saw this on youtube today & cried. Half of the crying was due to sadness that Gob & Franklin are never coming back; & the other half cried because it's so damn funny.

It would be my best day if they brought back this show.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Your charms aren't so lucky, Carly.

Whaaaa?!? I'm actually not surprised at all. Between the two Davids, they've got all the screaming teenage girls of America behind them; Brooke's got all the singer/songwriters & lyric-forgetters behind her; Jason Castro's got all the potheads behind him; & Syesha's got...anyone?...anyone?...we don't really know.
I didn't blog about all the songs, simply because all week I've been fighting what might possibly be the worst sinus headache in the history of history. Beat that.
I did love Leona Lewis last night. She's so pretty & did really sound a-ma-zing. I love that song, although "bleeding love"? Come on. Can't we try to get a better lyric than that?
So now we're down to 5. I'm ready for Brooke to be the next to go. Please don't let it be David Cookie.
I'm signing off for now, but I have to give a shout-out to my friend, Jana, for running the half marathon on Saturday. If you haven't yet hopped on to her blog which is on my sidebar, you can read about her family here. Good luck'll do great.
until next time.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Saturday Night Thunder & Jeff Gordon

This past Saturday, Ben took Lincoln to Saturday Night Thunder at the fairgrounds. He absolutely loved it. What he really enjoyed most of all was the snacks, drinks, & hollering. He loved how everyone was clapping & yelling for the cars, so every time Ben took a picture of him, he thought he had to you can see from these pictures. Earplugs & all.
This is right before they left the house. (notice his Number 8 vest? Thank you MeMaw):

Eating the snacks. I think this included a Dr. Pepper, popcorn, & a pretzel. Yum.

Getting up close to the fence to see the cars...again, he thought it was necessary to always be yelling for pictures. Hilarious.

Thank goodness Ben brought ear plugs for him. He loved them, & thought they were the coolest things ever. He is still walking around with them this morning:

Then yesterday, we got him a Jeff Gordon car. He had outgrown his truck & it went sooo slow coming up our hill of our cul-de-sac. So this is the new, FAST car. And when I say fast, I mean it goes 5 mph. But actually, that's much faster than the truck's 3 mph! It kinda freaked him out when he pushed the gas for the first time. We laughed. This is a few of us surprising him when he woke up from his nap yesterday:

What is it with boys & looking under the hood of a car? He was sitting in the car for maybe 30 seconds, when he had to get out & check under the hood. And then he "fixed" things with his drill. Ben was so proud.

And he's off!

After a few minutes of driving, I could tell something was bothering him. He kept coming by the driveway really slowly with a sad look on his face. Finally, he got out & asked for the truck. We got the old truck out of the garage, & he had to set it up right next to the new car. Then he said, "Take a picture! Brother & sister!" He had to have the truck out there because I guess he felt bad about leaving it out. He's into calling things 'brother & sister' these days, so the truck & car are a brother/sister pair.

He put them nose-to-nose & said, "Momma, they're kissing! Awwww..."

This is Kevin, our neighbor down the street. Lincoln & Kevin LOVE playing together. I hear about 10 times a day, "Play with Kevin?" Here they are making funny faces to the camera:

And of course, crashing into each other. That's the best part!

His day yesterday of racing in his new car ranked high on his list of best days, I think. He was super duper excited to wake up again this morning to drive it.
We'll talk to ya.

Saturday, April 19, 2008


Happy Saturday. Not much to report here, I just thought I would post some really cute pictures of Levi. He's growing like a weed & has started laughing. What a joyful noise. It's a belly laugh that warms my heart.

Here we are spending time outside on our front porch:

Have a good weekend.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

see ya later, cage fighter kristy

Hallelujiah! Kristy Lee Perm was voted off tonight. I'm in a Nashville American Idol Pool (if I win, I get like $650) but tonight I really got screwed. My bottom three were all wrong-o. Ryan tried to pull a fast one on us by splitting the groups up, then having people switch around like it was Musical Chairs. Was anybody else so annoyed at Little Davie sitting in the middle of the stage? That was done last year by Doolittle. Didn't pack nearly as much punch when he did it as when she did it. He still didn't get it, even when Ryan was beckoning him to draw closer to the group that was SAFE. Open your ears, open your eyes & quit thinking about your prom night, David. Get your 16-year-old head in the game.
Is it horrible to admit that I'm kinda mad that Brooke was safe? I know, so crazy that I just said that, right? But her mouth is really starting to get on my nerves. The constant biting of her lower lip, the sickly sweet agreeable nature of everything she says, it's all just so goodie-goodie. What has happened to me? FOX is changing me, people.
I also find it very interesting how Carly came right out & said that Simon was being too hard on her. What is it with people with accents saying mean things, & it just not sounding mean? If she was an American girl from I don't know, let's say Kansas...& she had said that, it would've been would've been an extremely awkward mess. But with the Irish accent, it sounded not so bad. Man, I wish I had an accent. I could basically say anything I wanted & blame it on the barrier. But nope, a Texas girl I'll always be.

So we're down to the Final Six. If I heard Ryan correctly, next week is Andrew Lloyd Webber Week. I'm so curious to see what David Cook has up his sleeve for this one.
Go get back on that horse, Kristy.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I Heart David Cook

Tonight is Mariah Carey week. What's going on with MC bringing her dog to meet all the Idol finalists? That's so Paris Hilton. Why do celebrities feel the need to bring their dogs everywhere? Seriously, that's what a back yard is for. Use it to its full potential.
Here's a crazy tidbit about Mariah. If you notice, she's only filmed on the right side of her face. It's the right side that's ALWAYS showing. True story. She thinks her left side is her "bad side." She's always turning her right side to the camera. Wanna know where I got such powerful information? I am fairly certain I remember seeing that factoid on the oldie but goodie "Pop Up Videos".
Well, tonight we can plan to be disappointed with most of the finalists. Who can one-up Mariah? A big fat nobody. So here we go!
David Archuletta: Does a stupid song about miracles...yeah, no surprise there. Every week he sings something about miracles, wishes, believing in yourself, blah blah blah. I won't even speak of his pleather pants tonight. Don't pull that stunt ever again, David.
Carly: I think she's trying too hard. I loved the song she did, but I feel like she's stressed during her entire performance. I do love her voice, but her chances of becoming the final Idol are fading. Those Irish aren't so lucky.
Syesha: I need to find out who girlfriend's stylist is. She outdoes herself every week. The gray dress she wore when she met MC was un-freakin-real. Then her gold number that she performed in was amazing too. I thought she was really good doing "Vanishing". I'm usually not a huge fan of hers, but this week, she did pretty well. But let's not kid one does any of these songs better than Mariah herself. Tell me again why this was a good idea?
Teacher's Pet: She does "Hero" on the piano. I've pinpointed my problem with Miss Brooke. I'm constantly nervous for her when she's performing, because I see how nervous she is. This an American Idol does not make. She kept screwing up the tempo on the piano...basically, I thought she bit the big one on this song. She hit several wrong chords too. Sucked. Brooke, take note: quit kissing up to the judges. All you do is agree with everyone. Please get an makes it a lot more entertaining to watch. Randy thought it was just OK, Paula said something dumb, & Simon thought it was like ordering a hamburger but only getting the bun. Simon, you need to step it up a notch...get better material. I don't know if you think that's priceless British humor, but I think it's just plain lazy. Doesn't translate.
Kristy: Country crooner has straight hair tonight. I like her better already. I was so done with her curls. She does "Forever" & Mariah thinks she does very well during her rehearsal. I do love that song. It's got a lot of belting, & Kristy does well with that. I thought she did as well as she could have. Randy thought it was pitchy, but thought she stepped up at the end; Paula loved it & thought it was a very smart song choice (but Paula!--who says "country western music" anymore?--that saying died with the Gene Autry cowboy era), & Simon thought she managed with what she had.
David Cook: Oh David...sweet sweet David. He chooses to sing "Always Be My Baby" & I'll be damned--his arrangement is killer! I had to rewind it to watch it again. My crush has now turned into a full-blown affair. With his voice. And performance. And hair. However, Ben thinks David is secretly going bald. He said, "Before he gets his Gibson deal, he needs a Rogaine deal." Well said. Dawg stood up! I don't think that has ever happened in the history of Idol...especially not before the gastric bypass. Paula thought it could be on a movie soundtrack. Simon thought it was like coming out of karaoke hell into a breath of fresh air.
Jason Castro: I think I'm pretty much over the "let-me-play-guitar-while-we-all-get-stoned" gig. Every week is the same song & dance. I don't think he takes much risk on this show. Randy thought he was at a luao on a beach, while Paula wanted to be on the beach with Jason (remember this is a family show, Paula). Simon thought it was pretty good. Snore.

Here are my bottom three:
Jason Castro

I'm hoping the goner will be Jason.

AMERICA, I'M TALKING TO YOU. If something happens this week like it did last week, there will be hell to pay. You'll have to answer to me. And you don't want to answer to me. Ever. A huge injustice was done when Michael was voted off last week, & we will not have a repeat of that tomorrow evening.
Wise Dialing,
Rhondi, AKA David Cook Lova

Friday, April 11, 2008

tummy time & rocketown kiddos

Here are some photos of the boys having tummy time. Anytime Levi has tummy time, Lincoln thinks he has to have it, too. So cute. Lincoln spreads out his activity gym & gets so excited to lie upon it with his brother. It's pretty cool to watch.

Here are two kids from Rocketown that were over at the house the other day. Their prom is tomorrow night, so they were over here asking Ben about what to do, what to wear, where to take pictures, what kind of corsage to get, etc. So funny. I asked Tony if he wanted to hold Levi & he yelped, "No! I don't know how to hold a baby!" Ben quickly said, "You hold him just like a football...but never throw him." So he got the hang of it soon enough. I think he's a natural! Here's Tony:

And here's John. An interesting factoid about John, you ask? He just auditioned for the principal lead in the new Hannah Montana movie.

Have a great weekend,

Thursday, April 10, 2008

all hell breaks loose.

Blast! Bollucks! Piss. Moan. Sigh.
A huge mistake happened tonight, America. This almost is right up there with Doolittle getting kicked off last year. I'm about to have a hissy fit. WHO KEEPS VOTING FOR SYESHA? This kinda crap makes me hate American Idol. Sshhh, I didn't mean that. Forget I said that. I still love you.
I'll miss you, Michael,

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

oh no you didn't paula.

I'm blind! PAULA!! Your boobs are pushed up & pushed together so much I think your zipper might just bust. Are you alive?! Are you breathing?! I think I caught you struggling at one point. Should've gone one size bigger. Coulda woulda shoulda.

Michael Jons: Sweetheart does Aerosmith's "Dream On" & totally rocked it. I thought it was going to be a nightmare, but he actually did a great job wailing on. And dreaming on. He's sticking with the scarf tied-up-&-tucked-in look & it ain't too shabby. Maybe downright sexy. Did y'all hear him wail like he was Steven Tyler? Wow! Damn you, Randy. Quit dissing it. I thought he sounded amazing & unbelievable. Paula thought so too. Simon thought it was good, although he didn't want him impersonating a rock star. Huh? Isn't that what every single person is doing in this competition? Impersonating someone else? I don't like where this evening is headed, Simon. Watch yourself.
Syesha: Must we go through this every time? Why do contestants feel the need to sing other Idol contestants' songs? She does a Fantasia song & all we're thinking is how Fantasia did it. That's it. Syesha, I feel like I'm beating a dead horse here. So far, you've done a couple of Whitney Houston songs (I won't rehash those, for your sake & mine) & now this Fantasia mishap. My patience is wearing thin, I'm almost to the end of my rope, I'm at the end of my wits. This stunt you've just pulled will surely make this week your last. Randy didn't think it was hot, Paula said (while looking totally naked the way the camera was positioned) said it was her "shining moment" & Simon thought she lacked the emotional depth Fantasia had.
Jason Castro: Wowsa. Pass me the bong! Jason does "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" & takes it up a notch. It was really great....ukulele & all. Kudos for playing that instrument. The ukulele runs in the same circle as the accordian (which happens to be my favorite instrument, totally random I know) which can sound really amazing if you just choose the right song in which to play them, but it also has the potential to sound just plain horrid if it's not the right song. And this was the right song, bar none. Yea Jason! Job well done. But I gotta say this: Is anyone else simply not wowed by his vocal skills? I think he's an average singer; he just chooses really good songs sometimes. But is he American Idol material? We shall see.
Clever Kristy: Oh No. From the first moment of the interview when she said she was going to be singing Martina's "Anyway", I was tempted to mute my TV. But alas, I chose not to. Bad choice, Rhondi. Thank goodness for that back-up choir because they saved her in all of her pitchiness. Randy thought it was pitchy, Paula said it was her best, & Simon thought she was very good indeed. He also said she looks like a star. Boosh.
David Cook: David does a song I've never heard of, done by a band called something I can't remember. Did David just return from high school band practice? Because that white jacket belongs to the high school drum line. I'm not crazy about his performance, I think mainly because his voice doesn't really go with the choir. Randy didn't love it, Paula did, & Simon thought it was pompous. NOT. Ha, talk about a throwback to high school.
Carly Smithson: She does "The Show Must Go On" by Queen. I'm not gonna lie here, people. Carly's accent is kinda reminding me of a leprechaun & is grating on my nerves a little bit. Carly's make-up & hair look AM-azing tonight, but I'm not a huge fan of this song or her vocal stylings. I know!! I thought I'd never say such a thing!! Randy thought it was pitchy (Randy is having a bad day today, I think), Paula agreed, & Simon thought she looked good but it was an unusual song choice. He also thought she gave an angry performance. Wow! how comforting & uplifting! Don't worry Carly, go snack on some Lucky Charms.
David Archuletta: He chooses to sing "Angels" & also chooses to accompany himself on the piano. Randy loved it & thought it was crazy hot, Paula thought it was fantastic, & Simon thought it was the best song choice of the night. I didn't like it. Period. End of story. I'm not very nice, am I?
Teacher's Pet: Brooke performs "You've Got a Friend" by Carol King. LOVED IT! You're back in my good graces, Pet! Half of it is because of her beautiful hair tonight, & the other reason is her voice sounds downright spankin'. Like I've said before, her voice always sounds like she's got a cold. Not sure why I love that, but I do. Randy thought it was just OK, Paula thought she was "definitive" (whatever the hay-hay that means) & Simon thought it was a pleasant walk in the park. Hhmmm...
Here's my Bottom Three:

And the one to go will be...Carly. What? Yep, I just said it. Now go do your thing,

Monday, April 7, 2008

are you serious?!

I'm about to tell y'all the craziest story you have ever heard. You may have heard it already on the news, but I found it so wild that I had to blog about it. I won't go into the long story, but I'll give you the gist:

-A man named Terry commits suicide by a single gunshot wound to the head in 1995.
-At the exact same time, a man by the name of Sonny is awaiting a heart transplant in Charleston, SC.
-Sonny receives Terry's heart.
-Sonny, being so grateful to Terry for his new heart, begins writing letters to Terry's family, thanking them for the gift of life.
-Sonny finally meets Terry's widow, Cheryl, face to face, in 1997.
-Sonny & Cheryl marry. (I know, so crazy, but just wait...)
-They remain married for several years until Sonny commits suicide by a single gunshot wound to the head in exactly the same manner as Terry.

WHAAA??? that story really gives me the heeby jeebies.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Ramiele Goes Home! (it's about time)

Run with a torch down the streets! Hula dance through the hood! Strut your stirrups! Ramiele is going home!
I know that sounds bad, but come on, I'm just saying what you all are thinking. Once again, Ramiele showed her wonderful interviewing skills when she replied with Ryan's question with, "Well, I finally walked onstage." Oh honey, you're not only walking're walking right off that stage & out the diz-oor. Whew, finally someone at Fox has been taking my calls & reading my letters.

What's up with my man David getting hospitalized last night? He blames it on high blood pressure. It sounds like ole' David is about 70 years old. The first clue was that he loves doing crossword puzzles & word searches backstage before his shows. Now this! High blood pressure & Cedars Sinai hospitalization! What are we going to do with you, David? You don't belong at Shady Pines just yet.

Once again, Kristy shocks us all by sticking around for one more week. I did not get what she did with her piece of paper that was hand-written "Kristy's Seat". I don't think Ryan understood it either. So help me if she makes it to the top 2. Let's not speak of that scenario & what that will do for my own blood pressure. Hello Williamson Medical Center.

Dolly performed live, & did she ever. Jesus & Gravity. Ben said, "If there's anyone who defies gravity altogether, it's Dolly." Ha. I didn't really know if she was just yelling out to the crowd during the song, or if she was considering that "singing". The thing that really made me laugh out loud was at the end of the song, she hollered, "Hey Randy! Hi Paula! Hey Simon!...Ha, ha, this is fun!" Yep Dolly. It sure is. I haven't googled how old she actually is, but I'm assuming it's in the 65-70 range.

8 contestants left. Syesha will be the next to go, I think. I've stopped putting my money on Kristy. I think she's here to stay for the next few weeks.
Jesus, Gravity, & DD boobs,

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Mr. Simon Grumpy Pants

Simon Cowell is on my sh*&^# list tonight, y'all. Who does he think he is?!? We'll get to more of that little grump later. Dolly Parton is the guest tonight, giving her sage advice to the 9 wee ones. Man, that girl is one big blob of silicone. I can't look at her for too long because I start to get creeped out. Let's get started:
1) Brooke White: I'm now going to refer to Brooke as Teacher's Pet. She performs an acoustic version of "Jolene", a song I absolutely love, & does just alright. Not over the moon about it. Randy was not wowed & neither was Simon. But the kicker was when Brooke complimented Paula on her hair. Has it come to this, Brooke? Complimenting Paula, of all people, on her hair? Hells Bells. And Paula says, "You're just...Brooke White." Why, yes, Paula. She is. Maybe because that's her name.
2) David Cook: He does something about a sparrow & does really well. I definitely didn't like it as much as last week, but hey, I'll take it. Randy liked it, so did Paula, but Simon was down about it. Shocker.
3) Ramiele: The only redeeming thing about her performance was the fact that she wasn't wearing stirrup pants. Thank God. One more thing, Ramiele: You need to invest in a how-to-interview class. You are perhaps the worst interviewee in the history of time. Quit sounding like a toddler. Lincoln can carry on a better conversation than you can.
4) Jason Castro: Go smoke another, Mary Jane Jason. Is it just me or does he seem completely high every single week? There should be a cloud of smoke that follows him around. His performance made me snore out loud.
5) Carly Smithson: This is when Simon really chaps me. Carly does "Here You Come Again" & totally kicks A double S. Randy & Paula loved it, while Mr. I-Hate-Country-Music says it wasn't great & that she should get a different stylist. Whoa, Simon. You're skating on thin ice. You're treading in dangerous water. I hope you get my point with all the threatening phrases. We're going to sit here & listen to your fashion advice?! The man who only wears tight knit black sweaters? I think not. Carly looks amazing & her hair kills this week. She has never sounded nor looked better than tonight. Simon, you & me need to have a heart-to-heart over coffee. Let's meet at Tootsie's in downtown Nashville. I'm sure you'll love that.
6) David Archuletta: THIS JUST IN!! David does a ballad this week! Oh wait, I'm sorry, he does a ballad every week. How predictable. Dolly thinks David really has what it takes to make it. Then she holds back the tears while he rehearses with her. But she can't full-out cry because her fake eyelashes will fall off. What else can fall off, Dolly? Boobs, lips, nose, chin, hair, thighs, & tummy? What's going to be left of you? Little Davie does "Smoky Mountain Memories" & I'm not impressed. If David is going to get my vote (but let's be real, folks...I don't ever vote, but I can still rant & rave), he needs to crawl out of his comfort zone of slow pop songs that he tries to make his own. I'm bored out of my David-Cook-sized skull with this performance. Randy thought it was the best performance of the night, Paula thought his "aura was good", & Simon thought this week he was on the money. I'm so pissed.
7) Clever Kristy: She does "Coat of Many Colors"...a wise song choice again. I think dear Kristy jumped back in time to 1985. She needs to take a straightener to her hair pronto. The perm look is not in. She sounds good obviously, because she is most comfortable singing country. But I think she maybe could've chosen a better song for her voice. Randy thought it was definitely her wheelhouse (whatever that means Dawg), Paula thought she looked stunning, & Simon thought this was pleasant but forgettable. Is it weird that Ryan knows what a French pedicure is? Hhmmm.. And Krisy blows a kiss to Simon & says "I love you!"...what's that about? I get the feeling that she thinks the flirty banter will increase her chances of sticking around. Not a chance.
8) Syesha: She does "I Will Always Love You" & cries for the camera. I have no idea why. To sing a song done by both Dolly Parton & Whitney Houston is maybe the dumbest decision ever. Ohh, she should not be wearing her hair up. She changes the melody & I don't like the arrangement. Whoever is Syesha's stylist needs to be crowned this year's American Idol. That dress is unbelievable. She holds the last note WAAAAAAAY too long. For a second there, I thought my DVR was skipping. Randy says is best. We can't listen to that song without hearing its original performers. Simon thought it was good, but not fantastic.
9) Michael Jons: He wins the award for Sexiest Performance of the evening. He is wearing a Hugh Hefner-esque suit tonight, what with the scarf all tied up & tucked inside his shirt. I'm not sure how I feel about that. He takes a Dolly song & makes it all his own. He does really great & I'm crushing on Michael tonight. Randy thought it was blazing, Paula says something crazy & then my DVR shuts off. So I guess that's the end of this post.
Tune in tomorrow night for the results post.
You're grounded, Simon.