Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Happy Birthday Levi!

Tonight I'm doing something a little more different, & a ton more important than American Idol. We are celebrating sweet baby Levi's one-year birthday today! Happy Birthday darlin'.
We had a little family celebration this afternoon with cupcakes, birthday candles, birthday hats, & singing happy songs for a boy who entered the world with joy & anticipation one year ago.
Here are some pictures of our day:

Breakfast time:

Sweet kisses:

This is the gaze Levi always gives when he's looking at Lincoln...pure awe:

happy kid:

Later on in the afternoon, about to eat some cupcakes:

Momma & Levi eating yummy cupcakes:

Get this thing off me!

Linc enjoyed the cupcakes more than anyone else. He thought he needed a lit candle & a Happy Birthday song, too:

Levi & Ben:

Here's some cute wrestling shots of the boys:

My Three Best Boys:

...and one precious hand.

Happy Birthday, angel baby.

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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Jacksonville, Florida...The Dawg's Night...

Ta-Da! Randy Jackson makes quite an entrance into this night's American Idol audition. I never knew he looked like that in his past and I never knew he played for Journey. Did he really? I do know that Mark Stuart of Audio Adrenaline loved Steve Perry & wanted to sound like him...and he actually did at the beginning of AA's career (or actually A-180). Ben tells me that Mark sounded a lot like ole' Steve when he started singing. I've even got old old CDs & tapes to prove it. It's unreal good. Then the road & traveling happened. There you go for that story.

Whoa. I'm not quite sure what to say about Randy's hair & ensemble choices, but it was the 80's. We're all allowed some clothing mishaps. Or some complete tragedies & devastations.

The Justin-Look-Alike: This guy knows he's good & sings a Marvin Gaye song. He even does something strange under his shirt, which I don't want to look into. His voice is really good, but his tricks, in-between-verse-rapping, & crazy gimmicks make it all a little weird for this girl. Simons says it's all a little Inspector Gadget, but with all the weirdness, he gets through. He goes crazy.

Sharon-Shitzu-Dog: She leaves Sasha, her dog, on Simon's lap & sings "Superstar" by Karen Carpenter. Y'all don't know this, but Karen Carpenter is one of my loves. I know every single one of her songs, & I absolutely adore her. The boys say yes, the girls make out, & then everyone says yes. Is it the dog? Is it the girl? Or is the good voice? Is it a good voice at all? I don't know, I think I need to hear another song. Maybe everyone's in a good mood today. Kara says her job isn't done until "Simons tries" something on her. Oh Lord, I don't need to go to this place.

Dana Mareno: As my genius of a son Lincoln puts it: "Whoa! That girl makes me laugh."

Kaneswa Finnie: Suck me sideways. Simon even brings her mom in to make sure she has a pulse & that she has 2 things: ears. Lo and behold, the mom thought her daughter sounded like honey. Of course she did.

Beauty-Queen-Julissa: OK, OK, she chooses to do a Whitney song, so that would automatically be a huge strike against her in my book. But I think my book just added a few more pages because something about her personality is so darn cute that I want to watch her screw up a Whitney song. I think there is something to be said about thick bangs. I'm gonna throw that out there & let anyone catch it who wants to. Julissa is cute, pretty, & is kinda dorky. And maybe I like a little dork in my Idol. So sue me. Paula gets so offended that she gets left out of the judging process that she gets up from her seat & proceeds to walk out the room. Godspeed, my friend. Julissa convinces her to come back to the judging table & then gets a unanimous YES from all the judges. I think I speak for all of us viewers when I say WTF just happened?! So random. I agree with Julissa getting in, but seriously...what just happened with Paula. I think the ratings were low & they needed something to hype it up. Well, news to you, Fox. This didn't hype us up; it made us wonder what the hell we were thinking in tuning in.

Black-Cute-Guy-Darin: He has maddeningly straight teeth & is so cute. When he finds out his good friend didn't get in, he starts crying & loses it. He says he thinks it is going to affect his audition in a big way. Two words people:

Before he begins his BoyzIIMen song, he starts to get choked up & tries to stop from crying. Here's when I think Fox plants ridiculous actors into the audition. This guy is not for real. I'll give you 4 more words, very important words:
He gets a No from all the judges. Thank God. And I really mean thank the Good Lord.

Naomi Sykes: She's the last contestant of the day, & she compares herself to Mariah. Oh shit. Naomi says that her best friend just adores Randy, & that she would die if she met him. What does Simon say? Simons says "let's bring the deluded friend in!" God love him.
I'm about to turn my TV off. OFF, I say. Then Ryan comes in & sits down on Kara's seat. So random I don't even know what to say. Naomi makes me want to commit suicide. She doesn't get in.

Honestly, after Day 1, I hate Jacksonville. Never been there, but from what I've just heard, it sounds like cows being tortured in the dead of night.

So onto Day 2.

16-Year-Old-Jasmine: Well, this family is beautiful. All those girls are unreal pretty, I can't even believe it. She hails from Starkville, MS & sings a Fergie song. She's so cute that I can't not like her. She has a good voice, but not great. But good enough that I like her. Woohoo-she gets through. And seriously, Kara's boobs are doing something really weird tonight. What's up with that? It's a blouse that has a noose for a neck line.

The Physics Man: When Simons asks him what is in his wildest dreams 11 years from now, he says: "a simple house with nice floors." I won't comment on his singing.

Ann Marie: She loves Kara undoubtedly & quotes one of her songs. She's a really great singer, so cute, etc. The judges tell her to go back & become someone else. Easy!

TK: He sings John Lennon's "Imagine" & I think he's great. I can't believe he's auditioned for Idol & hasn't gotten in, honestly. Why hasn't he gotten in? I dunno, people. I don't have all the answers, don't hate me. He gets in with Kara's final Yes. I'm happy about this decision.

Michael-Street-Guitar-Player: When he finds out that he can't play his guitar inside the audition room, he loses it. Bawling, starts crying, loses his mind in a big way. He sings a Third Eye Blind song & I don't like it. With his guitar, I might have liked it. Ugh, Simon rips him a new one & I'm totally turned on.

Back to Ann Marie: She puts some make-up on & took off her jean jacket. She sings a Colbie song "Bubbly". Simon smiles throughout the whole thing. He definitely has a thing for brunettes. What does this mean for me? I'm a straight-up redhead. No dice. Ann Marie gets through, as it should be.

Jacksonville didn't really deliver. Did y'all think so? I thought it blew. Let's be quippy again tomorrow night; can't wait.

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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Louisville, Kentucky

Kentucky here we come! I'm so ready for tonight, mainly because the auditions are being held in the Good Ole' South. Whoopeeeee!!!

Tiffany-Puts-On-Concerts-for-her-Parents: We start out tonight's show with a frickin' bombshell, people. It's bad, it's very very bad. She puts on concerts for her parents in her living room, & they think she's the best thing since sliced bread. The minute she told the judges she was singing a Mariah song, I knew we were headed straight for Hell. And I do mean Hell. When I think of Hell...I think of fire & gnashing of teeth. Now, thanks to Tiffany, a voice like that is added into the mix. It's just not a good place to be, that Hell. Simon tells her that it's good news!--she's now enrolling in college because she certainly hasn't made it to Hollywood. But she didn't stop there, folks...she's on a roll now. She then proceeds to sing "Because Of You" by Kelly Clarkson to the cameramen on her way out the door. This proves to be even worse than her audition song. And we keep going!--she claims, "Those judges!--they can't even sing theirselves." OK, Tiff. Here's a lesson: When you are enrolling in Louisville Junior College, the first class you need to enroll in is Grammar 101. Know it, learn it, use it. I'm dunzo.

Joanna-Cutie-Was-Signed-Before: She sings a Pat Benetar song "We Belong" & honestly, she's good. She's a lot cuter than her voice is good, however. Evidently she was signed to A&M, & got dropped. She must be really hard up because when the judges told her she got through, she bawled like a baby. And I mean bawled, couldn't breathe, got shaky, & covered her face with her hands. When things like this happen, I will refer to it as OTT (over the top). And that little episode clearly falls into this new category. And I am fairly certain that she has collagen in her lips. Her top lip didn't move at all while she talked & it definitely looked plumped. Let's all take a closer look during Hollywood Week, shall we?

Brent-Cutie-Hottie-Did-I-Mention-Hottie?: Uhhh, I heart this guy! Dimples are darlin, I'm not gonna lie. I loved his voice, loved his look, loved his boot-tapping skills, loved everything about him. What a sweetie! I'm pissed at Simon tonight, no doubt. C'mon, can you like someone for once...geez, can I get a witness?! But he gives him a yes after all that riff-raff. I'm not sure what's happening between the judges tonight, but they need to just hug it out & be done. You could tell Dimples (that's my nickname for this one) was a little uncomfortable while the judges bickered & fought with each other. Who wouldn't be?!? He gets through, of course. And he's so grateful. Can you tell I like him?

Matt Giraud: Sings a Gavin DeGraw song & his voice is like honey. Hit it out of the park & I completely loved it. I think Simon may be tapping into a new angle this season, & it's called "Let's Tell Every Contestant What Their 'Problem' Is". This does not make me happy. In fact, it's really pissing me off. Quit it, Simon Cowell. He tries to tell Matt that he doesn't believe in himself. What the?! Matt just cried to the camera about how badly he wants this. Hhhmmm, if that's not confidence & believing in yourself, then I have no idea what is. Poop on you, Simon.

Paula looks really beautiful tonight. I looooove her glasses & her make-up looks great. Just sayin'. I'm usually hating her look, but tonight's a different story. But on Day 2, it's not so good. No telling what she's hiding in that cleavage.

Ross-Nerd-Academic: Sha-la-la-la...The first 2 minutes of this guy talking was complete jibberish to me. He's a mathematician who organizes Chinese characters. He sounds like butt, & blames it on his scratchy voice. Scratchy voice, you say? No problem, he'll just walk up to the table & take a big drink out of Paula's cup. Gross. He gets a unanimous NO.

Alexis-Grace-Stay-at-Home-Mom: She hails from Memphis & has a sweet 1 year-old daughter. Here's where the rub is with me & American Idol. Sometimes I just don't understand this show. People like Alexis come in & audition, & does great, amazing, kicks it. I really think her voice is awesome...yet all the judges are kinda like "'s OK". She kicked ass, & Randy thought she wasn't much at all. Boosh, Randy. What's really going on here? Do they do this just to mess with us, or have they just sat through too many contestants that day? It's weirding me out. Did y'all think she was bad? If so, I need to turn up my Whisper 2000 pronto.

Aaron Williamson-Guy-Who-Hollers: Whoa, nellie! This guy whoops & hollers constantly...all through his song, all through his talking, it's just everywhere. He describes himself as 'intense', but I'm choosing to call it 'obnoxious.' It's a no-go for Aaron.

Felicia Barton: Wow! Amazing! She sings "Put Your Records On" & is super duper good. I'm rooting for her already.

Railroad Ryan: He's been workin' on the railroad, all the live-long day....Ryan slams it & he's hot. There ya go.

Shera Lawrence: Holy Mother of All Things Good. Does she sound exactly like Kelly Clarkson or what? She sounds like she's a smoker & it makes her voice kinda hoarse, but really great. She gets in....durrrr.

Lanisha Young: She's the token-story-girl for this episode. Grew up homeless with about a million brothers & sisters. She did an original song for her audition & surprise! Simon liked the song & her voice. She gets in & it seemed like she was the judges' favorite. Good for her.

Next week is Jacksonville, Florida. Apologies again for this being so frickin' long. But what can I say? I have opinions. Don't be hatin'.
until next time,

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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The City by the Bay

Why did I think tonight was going to be in Kentucky? What was I thinking? Anyhoo, we're in San Francisco tonight, my friends, & I feel for certain that there will be some definite doozies (remember William Hung?...I'd like to forget him) & some definite winners (Katherine McPhee...but really, where is she now?).
Let's boogie:

Before all this begins, I need to speak out about Kara's dress/blouse/AKA horrific-piece-of-cloth that she is sporting tonight. She should not be wearing that...ever in the history of time. And Paula's hat...oh dear clueless Paula. You are not Hannah Montana...that ship has sailed.

Tatiana-Put-Everything-On-My-Resume: She went to see a psychic before her audition, & this psychic happened to tell her that she was going to make it all the way to the end. I believe that Tatiana will put that psychic out of bi'ness. "I deserve to be the next American Idol probably more than anyone has ever wanted anything..." Really, Tatiana? You want the title more than I want to plug my ears with broccoli so I won't hear your obnoxious laugh? Oh, ho ho ho, I don't think so. And she gives a naughty picture to the judges, on top of all that. She keeps singing throughout Simon's criticism, my biggest pet peeve through this entire thing. What we have here, Tatiana, is a failure to communicate. Her voice is actually OK, but it's her attitude that bugs me. She gets in, tulle & everything. She claims, "I am a damn good vocalist!"

Dean Anthony Bradford/Plaid Coat: He says he's a failed entrepreneuer (sp?) & he thinks he's made the greatest joke of all time. And then for the next 30 seconds he goes crazy. And then while Simon talks about the bad hair color, the guy makes a vulgar, crass, completely inappropriate joke that I will not repeat on this blog. Surprisingly enough (gasp), he doesn't get through.

Jesus: He wins "The Most Random Song Choice Award". It's like a rap song gone horribly wrong. And what better way to get a golden ticket?!? Saunter your kids in, Jesus...and lay on the guilt! He then sings a Righteous Brothers song while his 2 sons hold up their hand-made posters. Who can say no to that? Randy is the deal-breaker by saying YES. The dad gets in. Nicely played, Jesus.

Dalton Powell: From first glance, I truly had high hopes for Dalton. When he slammed that Rubicks Cube into gear, I was thinking he would kick it. Kick it he did not, unfortunately for him...but fortunately for us viewers.

Is there some sexual tension between Kara & Simon? I'm choosing not to think about it, but it's kinda funny to listen to their banter.

Black-Girl-with-Blond-Dreds-Who-Mispronounces-Things: This one thinks it's beneficial for her to bring in a huge packet of information she printed off the internet filled with definitions of the trachea, larynx, vocal chords, etc. And she also thinks it's beneficial to mispronounce each & every word. Who pronounces 'trachea' exactly how it sounds? She does. Ryan Seacrest can't let her go with that one & has to correct her. I'm being honest here. I think something may be mentally incorrect with this girl. She says, "Please! That song! It came from the wrong rectum." Aquilla, if you are singing songs from your rectum, then we've got an entirely different issue going on here. An issue that I'm not at all comfortable with.

Annie Murdoch: She thought she was Ella Fitzgerald. She screamed instead of sang. Clearly not Ella.

Adam Lambert: Gay or not gay? Not that it matters, but it's usually pretty evident in auditions, and he's got me a little confused. I'm gonna say no. His voice is unreal amazing, though, that's for certain. It's totally musical theater style, & you can tell that the girls really dig him. He gets through with all 4 of the judges saying Yes, despite Kara & Simon's weird argument.

Kai-Takes-Care-of-his-Momma-Guy: I guess Kai's mom has a seizure disorder & he spends his days & nights taking care of her. He sings a song I have never heard of, & sounds like he belongs on the Royal Caribbean on its way to Cozumel, Mexico. He gets through with everyone in agreement, much to my dismay. Simon & I talked about how we need not disagree on the auditions, but he must not have heard me. It must have been all the making out that was distracting him. I'll forgive him.

Tomorrow night it's Churchill Downs, so let's not miss it. Meet you back here, same time, same place.
I'm out.
P.S. Is it bad to admit to y'all that I watched not one single minute of the Inauguration today? Whoopsie Daisies.

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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Kansas City

American Idol Pictures, Images and Photos

Night #2! It's Kansas City, the mid-western city in the country??? I tried, I really did.

Chelsea: My first impression was that Chelsea was gonna kick some bootay. She's so cute, really sweet, & seemed to genuinely be aware of what was happening around her. But alas, she was not only completely clueless of what was happening around her, but she was just downright deaf. Seriously deaf. Her performance was the opposite of good. A cat falling off of the Empire State Building is such a sweet sound compared to what we just witnessed. And she acted surprised! The hits keep comin'...

Ashley Anderson: Sings "Footprints in the Sand" written by our very own Simon Cowell/Boyfriend of Rhondi. And Simon's not afraid to call her out when she screws up the lyric. She's got a cool vibe, & I really love her voice. Randy says yes a dozen times, Kara thinks she's got chops, while Paula & Simon both agree on a big fat yes.

Casey Carlson: Cutest girl ever. She's dressed so adorably, & has a kickin' audition. She gets through with her cowboy boots & all.

Brian Atler: Ryan Seacrest says Brian is solely relying on his voice to get him through. I believe he's relying also on his gross chest hair poking out everywhere underneath that disgusting gold chain. He sings an Aretha song, & I think my television just broke. Broke like it was kicked in with someone's foot...namely my own. It was terrible. Brian looked like he had been shot when he heard the news. Let's put ole' chest-hair-Brian on suicide watch. Pronto.

SIDEBAR: I will speak of this only once, & I mean only once. If anybody reacts to not getting a golden ticket like that black girl with a ponytail just did, I might have to shut down the blog. Her reaction was what you would see if someone died. Literally died. In a tragic accident. On a back road on a dark night.
Not because of a stinkin' talent show on Fox.

Von-Phlegm-Man: I enjoyed his performance minus me being able to see the little thingy dangling from the back of his throat (which, BTW, Ben's brother got stung by a bee in that exact spot...I know, what are the odds?--he's from Kansas City too...but I digress) Randy was impressed, Simon enjoyed it, Paula said absolutely yes, & Kara thought he had "a really big instrument." Kara, please remember that this is a family show.

Michael Castro (Jason's brother): Let's all be honest here. They're brothers who just sit around smoking pot in their living room while playing guitar, rolling dreds, & contemplating how to completely mess up an interview. Michael claims he started singing 20 days ago, and you know what? I believe him. His voice is just average. He's definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'll give him some credit. Kara says, "You're a ballsy dude." I think Kara's got a crush. Michael gets 4 yeses. He's in.

Matt the Okie: He's a welder/fabricator, but has been singing since he was young. He sings "Ain't No Sunshine" & is super blues-ey, & I totally dug it. Randy was the man out on this one; he didn't like Matt & didn't think he was right for the show. However, Matt gets through with a ticket. Way to go.

Jazz-Jasmine: Did she just escape from somewhere really extremely dark & possibly underground? She's as white as a sheet & looks like she is trembling with fear. And now let's get to her audition. Jazzy Jaz couldn't stay in the same key even if she tried her hardest, I'll be damned.

Jessica Page: She lives with her 93 year-old grandmother. I automatically like this girl. She seems really smart. She does a Janis tune & gets through on her "natural tone". Yay!

The 2 Rapping Sistas: Why you tryin' to steal my cookie from me?
Asia, the first sister, stunk like stinky feet. India, the second sister, was a lot better. Asia got booted & India got through. I like this girl, India. She's not scared to act like she didn't get in, only to pull out the golden ticket from her jacket. This girl's got sass.

Jamar Rogers: Sings "California Dreamin'" & I hated it. Hated every piece of it. I don't like a voice that sounds like it's going to jump down my throat & then kill me. Randy said it best when he said, "It was just so over-the-top." But he gets in, despite all the nah's.

Danny-Widower: Doood, what a sad story. I thought it was cool how he said, "I believe that people, through me, can see who my wife was." What a cool tribute for her. Did I just get sucked in or what? Sheesh. And I looooved his voice...killer. Awesome. Amazing. My favorite so far. Is it bad to admit that I totally teared up when he came out of the door to his awaiting friends & family with his ticket? Wheee!!!

Anup-Dog: This one just came straight from the 18th hole to his audition. If I don't look at him while he's singing, then I think he sounds incredible & quite sexy. But when I look at him while he's singing, all I can think of is a nerd that wore the wrong outfit to his audition...and desperately needs to have his eyebrows waxed. He gets through with all 4 judges' approval, despite the weird (or maybe just random?) apparel choice.

Cheerleaders-Guy: This is just getting ridiculous. He kinda reminds me of Clay Aiken, but much much worse. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it like I do liver & onions. On both of his songs, he starts out with a growl. He needs to head to Broadway. Or maybe Off-Off-Broadway. It's a unanimous No for Andrew. But wait! Ryan hits another one out of the park when he asks one of the cheerleaders, "Oh, you're crying! What's wrong?" Oh, I don't know, Ryan. I just pulled a hammy doing the splits in there...

Asa-Band-Director: This guy has a really great voice. I kinda felt like he started it out really high though, & he was kinda pitchy. Everyone liked him & he gets through. He's cute. Welcome to Hollywood.

Michael, an Undiscovered Star: He certainly is undiscovered, & that is where he will remain. God bless Michael's mom when she honestly told him to quit singing. That's a good mom right there. I believe she had finally had enough, & couldn't bear to listen to it anymore. Her poor soul...

Dennis: This was all so weird. He had a random southern accent with a twinge of feminine flair. Hhmmm. And if all else fails with the judges, Dennis, start beggin'! And beg he sure did. Geez.

Narcolepsy-Girl: She keeps bringing God into this. Does God really care about American Idol? He's got bigger fish to fry.

Lil?: Outstanding. And Simon calls her 'classy'. That's a huge compliment! Wowsa. Way to go, Lil'! And the cutest thing?! Her husband giving her the hugest hug when she came out of the audition room. Love every bit of it.

Kansas City delivered, friends. BIG time.
I'm sorry that this was such an indescribably long post; I apologize for that. If you've gotten through it all, then thanks for reading complete nonsense.
We'll meet up again next week when the group is in...some other city. Maybe Louisville? I don't know, I wasn't really listening.

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Here we go!

Hi y'all! Here we go again, American Idol 2009 kicks it off tonight. This is only my third year of watching American Idol. I wish I could tell you that I have been watching it since the pilot episode and know every single minute that has transpired since the beginning, but hells bells-I just can't tell you that.

So here's how I roll: I watch each episode, tell you who I think is awesome, & tell you who I think completely sucks. There is no rhyme or reason to my rants. So if you agree with what I'm saying & enjoy it, then goody goody gumdrops. If you want to punch me through your computer screen, then off you go.

Here's hoping my words will swaddle you like the baby Jesus. Let's get swingin'!

What better way to start off the show than a montage! The TeamAmerica guys are jumping with glee right about now. I loved how they spotlighted David Cook in this section. God love him. Too bad he & his girlfriend are on the outs.

So we're in Phoenix, Arizona tonight. It was a huge to-do that Kara DioGuardi was the new judge. Duh.
First contestant: Tuan Nguyen. Some dude with an afro wants to be as big as Michael Jackson or Britney Spears. Hmmmm, let's see here...a child molester or a crazed head-shaving lunatic? You're well on your way, Tuan! He even incorporates some tap dancing into his routine, which just makes the audition that much sweeter. Come tap on my eardrums, Tuan. One word: shit.

Emily Hughes: has always been a singer & always been bad at math. She sings Baracuda & kicks some serious A double S. The judges love her & she gets through. And she hasn't yet told her bandmates that she has auditioned. I'll give you an A+ for singing & a D for friendship. Yikesies.

Crybaby Randy/AKA "Rockstar in a Box" (gimme a frickin' break): Sings a BonJovi song "Livin' On a Prayer', & does not WOW me. Simon says it's whimpy ( & me are meant to be together. Meet me tonight after the show--nobody has to know). Little boy Randy looks like he needs therapy more than an Idol crown. Dry 'em up, bad boy. Randy doesn't take 'whimpy', & he tries it again with a bit more uumpf. It doesn't do the trick. And if that doesn't work, then break out the tears! I'm over it, & I'm over you, Randy. Dunzo. BTW: I'm hating the new judge. Just sayin'.

J.B. Ahfua: Age 16, are you kidding me? His voice is totally kickin' it, & I mean that in a complete high school choir thing. All the judges are YES, & he gets through. He gets emotional with Ryan, & he wants to 'change his family'...I'm sure we'll see a huge spin-off of that in the coming episodes.

Michael Gurr: When I say there are no words, that's what I really mean. Simon says he couldn't understand a word & that he sounded like he was in pain (Simon, seriously...I totally have a crush on you tonight))...So he decides to sing a Kara DioGuardi song. Jackpot! He gets through! And when I say that, I'm totally lying.

Arianna Afsar: 16 years old & is UH-Amazing. She sings "Put Your Records On" & sounds effortlessly good. She acts like she just figured out how to sing & thinks 'what the heck? I'll try it out'...I'm totally into this chick. The judges all like her, & she gets through without a problem.

Leah Marie: She's a crazy fool with a pink cowboy hat on. She says she's a cross between Hillary Duff & Madonna. I don't know if that's good or bad. She's written over 100 original songs. Oh dear, you guys. I'm not sure where to go from here. She brings a 3-ring-binder for Kara DioGuardi, filled with her songs & "IOUs" for Miss DioGuardi. Eek. She's nuthin' good. Her voice is dreadful.

Stevie Wright: A bubbly brunette that was named after Stevie Nicks. Her voice is good, & she's a sweetheart. Randy tells her, "You were born wid it, gurrrl." Nuf said.

Michael Sarver: Has the 5th most dangerous job in the world. His voice is slammin', & sounds like honey. Awesome. Love him. Kinda reminds me of the Allman Brothers (which, BTW, is one of my favorite bands in the world. "Whipping Post" is the ultimate song of my life)

Bikini Girl: She might be the most brilliant girl ever in the history of Idol. She knows what she's doing & she's not afraid to use her assets. When I say assets, I mean boobs & butt. She certainly made herself stand out, & she got the attention of the judges. And her voice wasn't half-bad. Simon immediately said YES (shocker), & Kara seemed annoyed. Oh,'ve got a lot to learn this season. Kara claims that she doesn't have the chops to sing that song (all the while singing it herself...PS-note to Kara--you are a judge, not a contestant. I don't tune in every week to hear you sing...Jealous much??) Probably about 95% of America thought that what Bikini Girl did was inappropriate. Me? I think it's genius. Way to go, girlfriend. Use what the good Lord gave ya!

Sexual Chocolate: He is self-proclaimed as sexual chocolate, which came from a high school phrase. I will not go to this place. He sings a Stevie Wonder song & is horrible. Terrible. Awful. This is all I'm sayin'. Thanks, but no thanks, Sexual.

Brianna: sings "Let's Hear it for the Boy" & I automatically like it because I love the movie "Footloose". She then sings "Killing Me Softly" & doesn't stop when they tell her to. She gets through & the tears flow.

Deanna Brown: My favorite so far. Sweet southerner with an amazing voice. Oh, Kara has been swept up in the incorrect mathematical sayings..."150% Yes." Seriously, Kara? There's no such thing. I'm over you.

Cody Horror-Film-Boy: Didn't love him, but I'll take it. The golden ticket sees him through.

Mold-Man: Studied music in his closet, which apparently had mold in there that caused him to be sick. I will not say anymore than what I've just said. Actually, I will. He's a smart cookie, this Alex. He says to Simon (after Simon tried to make a joke-God bless you, sweet Simon): "That would be a good joke if it made sense." Whoa, Alex! Pulling out the big guns...makes me like you, doood.

Scott-Blind-Singer: He reminds me of Jim Brickman. He's an amazing piano player. He sings "And So it Goes" by Billy Joel. I love his voice. Period. Is it because he's blind? Maybe. Perhaps. I don't know. But I think he's good for one reason or another. Everyone says yes, & sweet Scott gets through. But the best part?!? Ryan trying to give him a high-five. Ryan, you're stupid with a capital S. Dude is blind & you're trying to give him a high-five?! Ben & I re-wound that part about five times. Ben laughed harder than I've heard in a very long time.

Tomorrow night is Kansas City. Better not be Kansas Shitty.

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