Louisville, Kentucky

Kentucky here we come! I'm so ready for tonight, mainly because the auditions are being held in the Good Ole' South. Whoopeeeee!!!

Tiffany-Puts-On-Concerts-for-her-Parents: We start out tonight's show with a frickin' bombshell, people. It's bad, it's very very bad. She puts on concerts for her parents in her living room, & they think she's the best thing since sliced bread. The minute she told the judges she was singing a Mariah song, I knew we were headed straight for Hell. And I do mean Hell. When I think of Hell...I think of fire & gnashing of teeth. Now, thanks to Tiffany, a voice like that is added into the mix. It's just not a good place to be, that Hell. Simon tells her that it's good news!--she's now enrolling in college because she certainly hasn't made it to Hollywood. But she didn't stop there, folks...she's on a roll now. She then proceeds to sing "Because Of You" by Kelly Clarkson to the cameramen on her way out the door. This proves to be even worse than her audition song. And we keep going!--she claims, "Those judges!--they can't even sing theirselves." OK, Tiff. Here's a lesson: When you are enrolling in Louisville Junior College, the first class you need to enroll in is Grammar 101. Know it, learn it, use it. I'm dunzo.

Joanna-Cutie-Was-Signed-Before: She sings a Pat Benetar song "We Belong" & honestly, she's good. She's a lot cuter than her voice is good, however. Evidently she was signed to A&M, & got dropped. She must be really hard up because when the judges told her she got through, she bawled like a baby. And I mean bawled, couldn't breathe, got shaky, & covered her face with her hands. When things like this happen, I will refer to it as OTT (over the top). And that little episode clearly falls into this new category. And I am fairly certain that she has collagen in her lips. Her top lip didn't move at all while she talked & it definitely looked plumped. Let's all take a closer look during Hollywood Week, shall we?

Brent-Cutie-Hottie-Did-I-Mention-Hottie?: Uhhh, I heart this guy! Dimples are darlin, I'm not gonna lie. I loved his voice, loved his look, loved his boot-tapping skills, loved everything about him. What a sweetie! I'm pissed at Simon tonight, no doubt. C'mon, can you like someone for once...geez, can I get a witness?! But he gives him a yes after all that riff-raff. I'm not sure what's happening between the judges tonight, but they need to just hug it out & be done. You could tell Dimples (that's my nickname for this one) was a little uncomfortable while the judges bickered & fought with each other. Who wouldn't be?!? He gets through, of course. And he's so grateful. Can you tell I like him?

Matt Giraud: Sings a Gavin DeGraw song & his voice is like honey. Hit it out of the park & I completely loved it. I think Simon may be tapping into a new angle this season, & it's called "Let's Tell Every Contestant What Their 'Problem' Is". This does not make me happy. In fact, it's really pissing me off. Quit it, Simon Cowell. He tries to tell Matt that he doesn't believe in himself. What the?! Matt just cried to the camera about how badly he wants this. Hhhmmm, if that's not confidence & believing in yourself, then I have no idea what is. Poop on you, Simon.

Paula looks really beautiful tonight. I looooove her glasses & her make-up looks great. Just sayin'. I'm usually hating her look, but tonight's a different story. But on Day 2, it's not so good. No telling what she's hiding in that cleavage.

Ross-Nerd-Academic: Sha-la-la-la...The first 2 minutes of this guy talking was complete jibberish to me. He's a mathematician who organizes Chinese characters. He sounds like butt, & blames it on his scratchy voice. Scratchy voice, you say? No problem, he'll just walk up to the table & take a big drink out of Paula's cup. Gross. He gets a unanimous NO.

Alexis-Grace-Stay-at-Home-Mom: She hails from Memphis & has a sweet 1 year-old daughter. Here's where the rub is with me & American Idol. Sometimes I just don't understand this show. People like Alexis come in & audition, & does great, amazing, kicks it. I really think her voice is awesome...yet all the judges are kinda like "nah...it's OK". She kicked ass, & Randy thought she wasn't much at all. Boosh, Randy. What's really going on here? Do they do this just to mess with us, or have they just sat through too many contestants that day? It's weirding me out. Did y'all think she was bad? If so, I need to turn up my Whisper 2000 pronto.

Aaron Williamson-Guy-Who-Hollers: Whoa, nellie! This guy whoops & hollers constantly...all through his song, all through his talking, it's just everywhere. He describes himself as 'intense', but I'm choosing to call it 'obnoxious.' It's a no-go for Aaron.

Felicia Barton: Wow! Amazing! She sings "Put Your Records On" & is super duper good. I'm rooting for her already.

Railroad Ryan: He's been workin' on the railroad, all the live-long day....Ryan slams it & he's hot. There ya go.

Shera Lawrence: Holy Mother of All Things Good. Does she sound exactly like Kelly Clarkson or what? She sounds like she's a smoker & it makes her voice kinda hoarse, but really great. She gets in....durrrr.

Lanisha Young: She's the token-story-girl for this episode. Grew up homeless with about a million brothers & sisters. She did an original song for her audition & surprise! Simon liked the song & her voice. She gets in & it seemed like she was the judges' favorite. Good for her.

Next week is Jacksonville, Florida. Apologies again for this being so frickin' long. But what can I say? I have opinions. Don't be hatin'.
until next time,