Kansas City

Night #2! It's Kansas City, the most...uh...er...exciting mid-western city in the country??? I tried, I really did.

Chelsea: My first impression was that Chelsea was gonna kick some bootay. She's so cute, really sweet, & seemed to genuinely be aware of what was happening around her. But alas, she was not only completely clueless of what was happening around her, but she was just downright deaf. Seriously deaf. Her performance was the opposite of good. A cat falling off of the Empire State Building is such a sweet sound compared to what we just witnessed. And she acted surprised! The hits keep comin'...

Ashley Anderson: Sings "Footprints in the Sand" written by our very own Simon Cowell/Boyfriend of Rhondi. And Simon's not afraid to call her out when she screws up the lyric. She's got a cool vibe, & I really love her voice. Randy says yes a dozen times, Kara thinks she's got chops, while Paula & Simon both agree on a big fat yes.

Casey Carlson: Cutest girl ever. She's dressed so adorably, & has a kickin' audition. She gets through with her cowboy boots & all.

Brian Atler: Ryan Seacrest says Brian is solely relying on his voice to get him through. I believe he's relying also on his gross chest hair poking out everywhere underneath that disgusting gold chain. He sings an Aretha song, & I think my television just broke. Broke like it was kicked in with someone's foot...namely my own. It was terrible. Brian looked like he had been shot when he heard the news. Let's put ole' chest-hair-Brian on suicide watch. Pronto.

SIDEBAR: I will speak of this only once, & I mean only once. If anybody reacts to not getting a golden ticket like that black girl with a ponytail just did, I might have to shut down the blog. Her reaction was what you would see if someone died. Literally died. In a tragic accident. On a back road on a dark night.
Not because of a stinkin' talent show on Fox.

Von-Phlegm-Man: I enjoyed his performance minus me being able to see the little thingy dangling from the back of his throat (which, BTW, Ben's brother got stung by a bee in that exact spot...I know, what are the odds?--he's from Kansas City too...but I digress) Randy was impressed, Simon enjoyed it, Paula said absolutely yes, & Kara thought he had "a really big instrument." Kara, please remember that this is a family show.

Michael Castro (Jason's brother): Let's all be honest here. They're brothers who just sit around smoking pot in their living room while playing guitar, rolling dreds, & contemplating how to completely mess up an interview. Michael claims he started singing 20 days ago, and you know what? I believe him. His voice is just average. He's definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'll give him some credit. Kara says, "You're a ballsy dude." I think Kara's got a crush. Michael gets 4 yeses. He's in.

Matt the Okie: He's a welder/fabricator, but has been singing since he was young. He sings "Ain't No Sunshine" & is super blues-ey, & I totally dug it. Randy was the man out on this one; he didn't like Matt & didn't think he was right for the show. However, Matt gets through with a ticket. Way to go.

Jazz-Jasmine: Did she just escape from somewhere really extremely dark & possibly underground? She's as white as a sheet & looks like she is trembling with fear. And now let's get to her audition. Jazzy Jaz couldn't stay in the same key even if she tried her hardest, I'll be damned.

Jessica Page: She lives with her 93 year-old grandmother. I automatically like this girl. She seems really smart. She does a Janis tune & gets through on her "natural tone". Yay!

The 2 Rapping Sistas: Why you tryin' to steal my cookie from me?
Asia, the first sister, stunk like stinky feet. India, the second sister, was a lot better. Asia got booted & India got through. I like this girl, India. She's not scared to act like she didn't get in, only to pull out the golden ticket from her jacket. This girl's got sass.

Jamar Rogers: Sings "California Dreamin'" & I hated it. Hated every piece of it. I don't like a voice that sounds like it's going to jump down my throat & then kill me. Randy said it best when he said, "It was just so over-the-top." But he gets in, despite all the nah's.

Danny-Widower: Doood, what a sad story. I thought it was cool how he said, "I believe that people, through me, can see who my wife was." What a cool tribute for her. Did I just get sucked in or what? Sheesh. And I looooved his voice...killer. Awesome. Amazing. My favorite so far. Is it bad to admit that I totally teared up when he came out of the door to his awaiting friends & family with his ticket? Wheee!!!

Anup-Dog: This one just came straight from the 18th hole to his audition. If I don't look at him while he's singing, then I think he sounds incredible & quite sexy. But when I look at him while he's singing, all I can think of is a nerd that wore the wrong outfit to his audition...and desperately needs to have his eyebrows waxed. He gets through with all 4 judges' approval, despite the weird (or maybe just random?) apparel choice.

Cheerleaders-Guy: This is just getting ridiculous. He kinda reminds me of Clay Aiken, but much much worse. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it like I do liver & onions. On both of his songs, he starts out with a growl. He needs to head to Broadway. Or maybe Off-Off-Broadway. It's a unanimous No for Andrew. But wait! Ryan hits another one out of the park when he asks one of the cheerleaders, "Oh, you're crying! What's wrong?" Oh, I don't know, Ryan. I just pulled a hammy doing the splits in there...

Asa-Band-Director: This guy has a really great voice. I kinda felt like he started it out really high though, & he was kinda pitchy. Everyone liked him & he gets through. He's cute. Welcome to Hollywood.

Michael, an Undiscovered Star: He certainly is undiscovered, & that is where he will remain. God bless Michael's mom when she honestly told him to quit singing. That's a good mom right there. I believe she had finally had enough, & couldn't bear to listen to it anymore. Her poor soul...

Dennis: This was all so weird. He had a random southern accent with a twinge of feminine flair. Hhmmm. And if all else fails with the judges, Dennis, start beggin'! And beg he sure did. Geez.

Narcolepsy-Girl: She keeps bringing God into this. Does God really care about American Idol? He's got bigger fish to fry.

Lil?: Outstanding. And Simon calls her 'classy'. That's a huge compliment! Wowsa. Way to go, Lil'! And the cutest thing?! Her husband giving her the hugest hug when she came out of the audition room. Love every bit of it.

Kansas City delivered, friends. BIG time.
I'm sorry that this was such an indescribably long post; I apologize for that. If you've gotten through it all, then thanks for reading complete nonsense.
We'll meet up again next week when the group is in...some other city. Maybe Louisville? I don't know, I wasn't really listening.
Toodles.