Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The City by the Bay

Why did I think tonight was going to be in Kentucky? What was I thinking? Anyhoo, we're in San Francisco tonight, my friends, & I feel for certain that there will be some definite doozies (remember William Hung?...I'd like to forget him) & some definite winners (Katherine McPhee...but really, where is she now?).
Let's boogie:

Before all this begins, I need to speak out about Kara's dress/blouse/AKA horrific-piece-of-cloth that she is sporting tonight. She should not be wearing that...ever in the history of time. And Paula's hat...oh dear clueless Paula. You are not Hannah Montana...that ship has sailed.

Tatiana-Put-Everything-On-My-Resume: She went to see a psychic before her audition, & this psychic happened to tell her that she was going to make it all the way to the end. I believe that Tatiana will put that psychic out of bi'ness. "I deserve to be the next American Idol probably more than anyone has ever wanted anything..." Really, Tatiana? You want the title more than I want to plug my ears with broccoli so I won't hear your obnoxious laugh? Oh, ho ho ho, I don't think so. And she gives a naughty picture to the judges, on top of all that. She keeps singing throughout Simon's criticism, my biggest pet peeve through this entire thing. What we have here, Tatiana, is a failure to communicate. Her voice is actually OK, but it's her attitude that bugs me. She gets in, tulle & everything. She claims, "I am a damn good vocalist!"

Dean Anthony Bradford/Plaid Coat: He says he's a failed entrepreneuer (sp?) & he thinks he's made the greatest joke of all time. And then for the next 30 seconds he goes crazy. And then while Simon talks about the bad hair color, the guy makes a vulgar, crass, completely inappropriate joke that I will not repeat on this blog. Surprisingly enough (gasp), he doesn't get through.

Jesus: He wins "The Most Random Song Choice Award". It's like a rap song gone horribly wrong. And what better way to get a golden ticket?!? Saunter your kids in, Jesus...and lay on the guilt! He then sings a Righteous Brothers song while his 2 sons hold up their hand-made posters. Who can say no to that? Randy is the deal-breaker by saying YES. The dad gets in. Nicely played, Jesus.

Dalton Powell: From first glance, I truly had high hopes for Dalton. When he slammed that Rubicks Cube into gear, I was thinking he would kick it. Kick it he did not, unfortunately for him...but fortunately for us viewers.

Is there some sexual tension between Kara & Simon? I'm choosing not to think about it, but it's kinda funny to listen to their banter.

Black-Girl-with-Blond-Dreds-Who-Mispronounces-Things: This one thinks it's beneficial for her to bring in a huge packet of information she printed off the internet filled with definitions of the trachea, larynx, vocal chords, etc. And she also thinks it's beneficial to mispronounce each & every word. Who pronounces 'trachea' exactly how it sounds? She does. Ryan Seacrest can't let her go with that one & has to correct her. I'm being honest here. I think something may be mentally incorrect with this girl. She says, "Please! That song! It came from the wrong rectum." Aquilla, if you are singing songs from your rectum, then we've got an entirely different issue going on here. An issue that I'm not at all comfortable with.

Annie Murdoch: She thought she was Ella Fitzgerald. She screamed instead of sang. Clearly not Ella.

Adam Lambert: Gay or not gay? Not that it matters, but it's usually pretty evident in auditions, and he's got me a little confused. I'm gonna say no. His voice is unreal amazing, though, that's for certain. It's totally musical theater style, & you can tell that the girls really dig him. He gets through with all 4 of the judges saying Yes, despite Kara & Simon's weird argument.

Kai-Takes-Care-of-his-Momma-Guy: I guess Kai's mom has a seizure disorder & he spends his days & nights taking care of her. He sings a song I have never heard of, & sounds like he belongs on the Royal Caribbean on its way to Cozumel, Mexico. He gets through with everyone in agreement, much to my dismay. Simon & I talked about how we need not disagree on the auditions, but he must not have heard me. It must have been all the making out that was distracting him. I'll forgive him.

Tomorrow night it's Churchill Downs, so let's not miss it. Meet you back here, same time, same place.
I'm out.
P.S. Is it bad to admit to y'all that I watched not one single minute of the Inauguration today? Whoopsie Daisies.

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Anonymous said...

i am laughing so hard while reading and feeding charlotte that she thinks i am ready to play and she is not eating but grinning. too funny!

Amanda Conley said...

I thought he girl who mispronounced everything was hilarious!