Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Jacksonville, Florida...The Dawg's Night...

Ta-Da! Randy Jackson makes quite an entrance into this night's American Idol audition. I never knew he looked like that in his past and I never knew he played for Journey. Did he really? I do know that Mark Stuart of Audio Adrenaline loved Steve Perry & wanted to sound like him...and he actually did at the beginning of AA's career (or actually A-180). Ben tells me that Mark sounded a lot like ole' Steve when he started singing. I've even got old old CDs & tapes to prove it. It's unreal good. Then the road & traveling happened. There you go for that story.

Whoa. I'm not quite sure what to say about Randy's hair & ensemble choices, but it was the 80's. We're all allowed some clothing mishaps. Or some complete tragedies & devastations.

The Justin-Look-Alike: This guy knows he's good & sings a Marvin Gaye song. He even does something strange under his shirt, which I don't want to look into. His voice is really good, but his tricks, in-between-verse-rapping, & crazy gimmicks make it all a little weird for this girl. Simons says it's all a little Inspector Gadget, but with all the weirdness, he gets through. He goes crazy.

Sharon-Shitzu-Dog: She leaves Sasha, her dog, on Simon's lap & sings "Superstar" by Karen Carpenter. Y'all don't know this, but Karen Carpenter is one of my loves. I know every single one of her songs, & I absolutely adore her. The boys say yes, the girls make out, & then everyone says yes. Is it the dog? Is it the girl? Or is the good voice? Is it a good voice at all? I don't know, I think I need to hear another song. Maybe everyone's in a good mood today. Kara says her job isn't done until "Simons tries" something on her. Oh Lord, I don't need to go to this place.

Dana Mareno: As my genius of a son Lincoln puts it: "Whoa! That girl makes me laugh."

Kaneswa Finnie: Suck me sideways. Simon even brings her mom in to make sure she has a pulse & that she has 2 things: ears. Lo and behold, the mom thought her daughter sounded like honey. Of course she did.

Beauty-Queen-Julissa: OK, OK, she chooses to do a Whitney song, so that would automatically be a huge strike against her in my book. But I think my book just added a few more pages because something about her personality is so darn cute that I want to watch her screw up a Whitney song. I think there is something to be said about thick bangs. I'm gonna throw that out there & let anyone catch it who wants to. Julissa is cute, pretty, & is kinda dorky. And maybe I like a little dork in my Idol. So sue me. Paula gets so offended that she gets left out of the judging process that she gets up from her seat & proceeds to walk out the room. Godspeed, my friend. Julissa convinces her to come back to the judging table & then gets a unanimous YES from all the judges. I think I speak for all of us viewers when I say WTF just happened?! So random. I agree with Julissa getting in, but seriously...what just happened with Paula. I think the ratings were low & they needed something to hype it up. Well, news to you, Fox. This didn't hype us up; it made us wonder what the hell we were thinking in tuning in.

Black-Cute-Guy-Darin: He has maddeningly straight teeth & is so cute. When he finds out his good friend didn't get in, he starts crying & loses it. He says he thinks it is going to affect his audition in a big way. Two words people:

Before he begins his BoyzIIMen song, he starts to get choked up & tries to stop from crying. Here's when I think Fox plants ridiculous actors into the audition. This guy is not for real. I'll give you 4 more words, very important words:
He gets a No from all the judges. Thank God. And I really mean thank the Good Lord.

Naomi Sykes: She's the last contestant of the day, & she compares herself to Mariah. Oh shit. Naomi says that her best friend just adores Randy, & that she would die if she met him. What does Simon say? Simons says "let's bring the deluded friend in!" God love him.
I'm about to turn my TV off. OFF, I say. Then Ryan comes in & sits down on Kara's seat. So random I don't even know what to say. Naomi makes me want to commit suicide. She doesn't get in.

Honestly, after Day 1, I hate Jacksonville. Never been there, but from what I've just heard, it sounds like cows being tortured in the dead of night.

So onto Day 2.

16-Year-Old-Jasmine: Well, this family is beautiful. All those girls are unreal pretty, I can't even believe it. She hails from Starkville, MS & sings a Fergie song. She's so cute that I can't not like her. She has a good voice, but not great. But good enough that I like her. Woohoo-she gets through. And seriously, Kara's boobs are doing something really weird tonight. What's up with that? It's a blouse that has a noose for a neck line.

The Physics Man: When Simons asks him what is in his wildest dreams 11 years from now, he says: "a simple house with nice floors." I won't comment on his singing.

Ann Marie: She loves Kara undoubtedly & quotes one of her songs. She's a really great singer, so cute, etc. The judges tell her to go back & become someone else. Easy!

TK: He sings John Lennon's "Imagine" & I think he's great. I can't believe he's auditioned for Idol & hasn't gotten in, honestly. Why hasn't he gotten in? I dunno, people. I don't have all the answers, don't hate me. He gets in with Kara's final Yes. I'm happy about this decision.

Michael-Street-Guitar-Player: When he finds out that he can't play his guitar inside the audition room, he loses it. Bawling, starts crying, loses his mind in a big way. He sings a Third Eye Blind song & I don't like it. With his guitar, I might have liked it. Ugh, Simon rips him a new one & I'm totally turned on.

Back to Ann Marie: She puts some make-up on & took off her jean jacket. She sings a Colbie song "Bubbly". Simon smiles throughout the whole thing. He definitely has a thing for brunettes. What does this mean for me? I'm a straight-up redhead. No dice. Ann Marie gets through, as it should be.

Jacksonville didn't really deliver. Did y'all think so? I thought it blew. Let's be quippy again tomorrow night; can't wait.

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Courtney and Jason G. said...

all good things come from Starkville, Ms.

Remember that.