Saturday, May 23, 2009

the rope swing

We found this rope swing at a pea-sized church right on the outskirts of McKay's Mill Subdivision. The church is the cutest thing you've ever seen, & they have this amazing rope swing directly outside of it. We took the boys there this morning, & oh my goodness, did we have fun. Here are some photos:

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

What the?!

I apologize for my not posting about the Final Results show until now. Maybe I needed this day to really regroup & ask for maybe the one millionth time, "What in the hellfire has happened with America?" My mom has been here for the past 2 days, so we were super excited to watch the finale last night. We both were fairly certain that Adam was going to take the crown. And after seeing Adam perform with KISS & Queen, our expectations were increased still that he would be voted as the next Idol. Granted, neither one of us really loved Adam & his style, but we definitely thought he was the more talented of the contestants by far. Far, far, far...

So when Kris's name was called as the winner, my mom's mouth fell open. My eyes grew as big as Paula's boobies, & we both started muttering things. Then my mom said, "Well, I think that's it. I don't think I can watch American Idol anymore." She shut it down! You're denied, American Idol! Your plan has been foiled! Jan Koerner has officially kicked you off her DVR que. Her whole belief system has been rocked to its very core. Not to mention, she thinks that Simon will quit the show after the results of this season, & let's face it: If Simon ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Kris was possibly the most shocked out of everyone when his name was called by White-Teeth. Stammering something along the lines of, " you? I mean, Adam should be here right now..." Way to man up Kris, & be a winner. What's the first thing on the list for Kris as American Idol? Let's get you into Media Training pronto. Do not tarry, do not stop to go pee, do not stop to blow your nose, just go as fast as your side-jaw can carry you.

Let's talk about Bikini Girl! So many things to say about that, right? First off--a great body, I will give her that. And heck, I'll even go so far as to say she had an average voice. But the attitude, whew! She thought she was waaaay better than she was. And Kara! I like her better now because a) she sang her face off in front of that crazy girl; and b) how does she get that kind of body? It was amazing! I wonder if she does Zumba. That took a lot of nerve for her to open up her dress like that. Yay for her.

Norman Gentle? Puh-leeze. Over it. I was done with that lunatic before it started.

The Idol Golden Globe Awards Show? Brain cells...being sucked...right out...of my head...

Well friends, the season is now at a close & my AI blogging days are over for now. Maybe I'll start it up again next season. Hopefully that will happen. To those of you who read & keep up with this blog, thanks! Until next season, you can check back here for more of my amazing opinions on pop culture & pictures of our family.

It's been real. It's been fun. It's been real fun.

I will not buy a Kris Allen album.

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Final Performance Show

Whoa, Holy Chest Hair Adam! What's going on in there? Bleh. And the necklace is so totally OTT.

Ryan tells us that we'll be hearing a song written by Miss Kara. Waiting with bated breath.

Adam goes first & decides to walk out in a trench coat. Cue dry ice. Does Adam have lipstick on? Seriously, I think he does. Nothing surprises me with him at this point. Honestly, I was bored during his performance. zzzzzzzzzzzz....huh?
I've never understood why the contestants do a song they've already done during the year. Anyone got a clue?
Ummm, why is Anthony Hopkins in the audience? Good Lord.

Kris sings "Ain't No Sunshine" again. There's one thing I noticed last week with Kris, but didn't blog about it. So here's my chance. When he sings high notes, his jaw goes to one side ridiculously far. It kinda bugs. But he did awesome on that song, nevertheless. When Kara judges Kris, I feel like she's yelling at me. Am I being reprimanded for not loving every single Kris Allen performance? Paula says he awakens the spirit in all of us. Paula's spirit is awakened by painkillers.

Adam sings again in a suit & tie. It's smooth sailin' with Adam these days. I can sit back & just listen to him go. There's never the chance of him not making a note or forgetting a lyric. This makes me like him. I've just had to embrace the tongue (ew) & get over it b/c dude can sing. Period. Paula stands up & makes a lasso motion. She then says he will be "iconic." Good thing this is the end of the season because she's clearly at the end of her rope.

Kris sings a song on guitar in the round. Sounds pretty good. Randy thought it was light for the room & stage. Paula loved it, but Simon thought he did not make it his own version.

I think something horrible happened backstage to Adam. Upon entering side stage, a paint can tipped over & spilled all over his pants. Poor thing. Is this song written by Kara? Mountains, hurricanes, dreams, boundaries, climbing, a bunch of positive-thinking-phrases. Yikesies. Randy actually said it was a little pitchy...whoa! Say it ain't so.

Kris does his last song. The side-jaw is in FULL effect! He sounds awful, so very pitchy. Hard to believe that he's in the final 2 from that performance. None of the judges really liked it, they all thought it was too high of a key. Agreed.

I think Adam will wear the crown tomorrow night. We shall see in a mere 12 hours.
I'm sorry this post is so scattered...I'm dealing with the boys, breakfast, getting ready, & listening to Handy Manny. Gotta love it.

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Okey Dokey, Buh-Bye Gokey.

This post won't be long. Instead, I'm going to say only a few things that I noticed or that struck me as odd, ridiculous, funny, or awful. Dim the lights...

Jordin Sparks...Ain't no spark anywhere in her vicinity. She sounded like dog poop.
Kris Allen acted like he was God's gift to this Earth during his hometown-whatever-thingy. It was not attractive in any way, shape, or form.
Katy Perry wins the Best Cleavage Award.
I just saw Kevin Bacon in the audience.
I'm even sadder about Danny leaving because I just re-read about his wife dying. That is really tragic.

So we're down to Adam & Kris. I'm now rooting for Adam. He's clearly the more talented contestant. If anyone dares to refute that, then come to my house & I'll punch you in the face. Maybe that will jostle your ears around.

Only one more week!
Shut up & put your money where your mouth is,

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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

It's Hometown Week, Hoebags!

This week is Hometown Week for the three contestants. First off, let me just say for the record that Kara looks amazing tonight. It's her hair that looks unbelievable. Wowsa, she just brought sexy back.

So here's the deal. The contestants have to sing twice, one song of their own choosing, & the other song of the crazy nutjobs' choosing (that would be the judges).

Danny kicks off the show with some song I don't know..."Dance Little Sister". OK, this is the second time this has happened between me & Danny. He starts out his songs so incredibly high that it sounds like he's stretching sooo much to get to those high notes. I'm clutching the sides of my laptop, praying to God he doesn't burst a blood vessel in his throat. And yet, he never does. Yay for D! Ewww, he does a weird dance to the judges' table & makes snarly faces at Paula & Simon. But other than that, I think he does good! Simon then decides to shut up the drunk by covering her mouth with his hands. They basically wrestle on live TV, while Danny idly stands by. Not awkward at all. At all.

Randy & Kara choose One Republic's "Apologize" for Kris Allen's song. He plays piano, which I think is smart. Y'all, Kris sounds kick tonight! I don't think I've ever heard him do a song that I like better than this one. Uh-oh, what does this mean? I certainly can't change trains now. It's way too late in the game. I just jumped on Danny's train 2 weeks ago...someone talk me out of this. Kara didn't think he swung it out of the park, Paula thought he had a bum note, & Simon...well, Simon has something stuck up his arse so far that he doesn't know which way is up. He's dissing on everyone tonight. He gets mad at Kara for not liking Kris doing the song that she herself chose for him to do. Follow me? Whew, the judges are going crazy tonight. And I mean crazy in the worst way possible.

Simon chooses Adam to sing "One" by U2. Simon, of course, has to brag that he had a conversation with Bono on Saturday that allowed Adam to sing the song. Would now be a good time to let y'all know that I hate U2? I know, I know, I hear enough lectures from Ben's older brother about this. But enough about me, let's get to Adam's rendition. I think Adam just made up a new song. A completely new song. Is there another band called U2 with a hit song "One" that I don't know about? He didn't stick to the original melody at all, except for the first line. It was all just hugely dramatic for me. He needed a show choir behind him for sure. Kara calls him a strategist, Paula calls him an American Idol, & Simon thought it was brilliant. Durrr.

Danny chooses to sing "You Are So Beautiful". I like the stage set-up for this song; how they're all right beside him, lined up. Midway through, Danny sings his face off. Ohhh, Danny, gimme a one-way ticket. Pronto. I thought it was awesome. All the judges loved it. Even Simon, saying it was a vocal master class. And if I recall correctly, the last time Simon said that was to Miss Melinda Doolittle. And you all know how her voice spanks.

Kris chooses to sing "Heartless" by K-Dub. What I thought would be an ultimate head-on collision, turned out to be UN-FRICKIN-BELIEVABLE. I mean, really...that was my favorite banana-pudding-good. There's really no other way to say it.

Adam sings Aerosmith. The back-up singer sounds bad with Adam's voice. Their voices just don't mesh well. That stuck out to me listening to him. Does Adam's voice remind anyone of Queen? I'm getting a Queen vibe here tonight. Wish I wouldn't be. Randy says that he should be a rock star. I simply don't agree. Is he rock? Or is he broadway rock? I think there lies a big difference there. Simon tells everyone to actually pick up the phone & vote. Thanks Simon, I forgot those difficult rules for this competition. It's so easy to get confused when it comes to a telephone & a number.

I think it's anyone's game at this point. They all did awesome, I think. If I had to choose, I think it will be Danny to go. GASP!! I know, but I think I liked Kris's songs a bit better than Danny's. And we must all be in agreement that Adam will be one of the final 2. If he's not, then I fear that the masses will go hysterical.

Tomorrow night, until then.

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Monday, May 11, 2009

Fun Picture Day!

We went to the car museum/warehouse where Ben is selling his classic Minis. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then you can visit
Anyhoo, we were at the museum this afternoon & the boys wanted their own cars to drive. Lincoln hopped on the tractor & Levi got his very own baby beetle. Here we are having a good time:

Have you ever seen a more excited kid than Levi in this picture? I mean...

Here's Ben riding a 3-wheeled bicycle with a basket on the back (which maybe I should be calling it an adult tricycle). Which Levi loved to ride in...

Here's me in the first Mini that has been sold already.

We had a lot of fun just hanging out, laughing so hard it hurt, & being silly. Talk to y'all tomorrow night when we drown in the pool of American Idol.

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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Head on Home, Allie. Go back to your original color.

The group opens up the show with a performance of "School's Out for Summer" & sounded horrible. Everyone sounded terrible. Especially Kris. Ugh, make this week be over, stat.

And the main reason I tuned in tonight was for Paula's performance. Who wants to bet that she's actually singing? She looks really skinny in that outfit, but she's a couple decades too old for that ensemble. I couldn't really focus when she got up on all fours on the high stage. Boobies + Tight-Bustier = Embarrassing. The ending was just all too much for me...her striking a pose while all her dancers started yelling her name, trying to touch her, & asked her if she was coming back next season. Gimme. A. Big. Fat. Break. Not good, P. It's a good thing I'm here to tell you things you just don't know.
PS-What's going on with Paula's cleavage? Something's happening in there & I can't quite figure it out. It closely resembles that of Tori Spelling...

No Doubt performs. I think I may hate Gwen Stefani's voice. Ben has had a crush on her since their first single came out. But I gotta give her props for singing live though. But what's with the push-ups? Did we just change channels & land on a Weight Training class?

The first person to be safe is Kris. Seriously?! I would've bet cold hard cash that he would be the one to go. I don't know why you all read this blog...I've gotten nothing right this season. My sincerest & fake apologies to all parties involved.

Adam gets through to safety. No surprise there.

And YAY! Danny's safe. I was sweatin' it throughout that last light-dim.
Which means Allison is headed home. I think the decision was a good one. Although this means that we have to listen to Kris for another week. Bleh.

Same time, same place next week.
Don't miss it.

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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Rock Week

So it's Rock Week America, & Ryan informs us that the 'American Idol' signs began collapsing on stage, & the contestants had no time for a run-through. Blah blah blah. Already making excuses, & the show hasn't even started.

We're also informed that Paula will be performing on tomorrow night's episode. Oh sheesh, can't wait for that one. And this afternoon, I read that she has finally admitted to being addicted to painkillers. WHAT??!!! She's an addict?! This is breaking news! Words can't describe my disbelief. You mean her banter during each episode with Simon, her near-falling-off-her-chair moments, & her crazy-ranting-TV-slurring-interview last summer were all times in which she was under the influence of drugs? No! Say it ain't so.

So we're down to Kris, Allison, Adam, & Danny. Adam's back! No more Elvis, thank you Jesus. Allison's hair keeps getting redder & redder. She needs to take it down a notch.

Slash is the mentor this week. Ummm...mentor? "...Here's what I'm going to tell all of all the drugs you can...drink boatloads of alcohol...get high every chance you get...remain in decades-long fights with your bandmates...and you're all set!" What sweet mentoring moments. I seriously want to run to Walgreen's down Liberty Pike to get Slash some Frizz-Ease.

Adam opens up the stage with "Whole Lotta Love" by Zeppelin, & once again tries to eat us. Along with it being a whole lotta love, it's also a whole lotta drama, as always. He does kill it, no doubt. Adam is wearing more make-up than I wear. You can tell that it's really effortless for him to sing this style of song. He doesn't seem nervous at all up there. Good for him. It gets really dramatic though, during the guitar solo in the middle. Adam dances to the guitarist, & it's way too dramatic for my liking. The Broadway show tunes & jazz hands are kinda shining through in pieces during this performance. No matter how you slice it, he's still a jazz-hands kind of guy. Heh. Randy thought it was hot, Kara thought he was a "rock god" (whaaa? Maybe a little too far...), Paula thinks he's a whole lotta perfect, & Simon thought it was one of his faves.

Allison goes next & her hair matches her lipstick. She sings "Crybaby" & does OK. However, I feel like every week is the same with her. I think we're getting only one genre from Miss Redhead. I'm not saying that's a bad thing; however, a little variety is not a crime. And every note that comes out of her mouth seems like it's a scream or a yell.

Kris & Danny do a Styx duet. Kris sounds AWFUL. And I meant for that word to be in all-caps. Danny sounds good, but this song isn't his style. Is it just me, or is Kris in a different key? All the notes that are escaping his mouth sound to be incorrect. Two words for everyone: Train. Wreck.

Kris sings "Come Together" & plays guitar. He says he looked over at Slash playing guitar & "almost wanted to pee my pants." I'm all for saying phrases like that on a blog, during a telephone conversation, or in an email. But declaring on national television that you want to pee your pants is quite another issue altogether. I don't like his rendition of this song. It's almost too vanilla. His voice is the opposite of rock. And I'm fairly certain that I heard his voice crack a couple times.

Danny closes out the show with "Dream On", one of Ben's all-time favorite songs. Did y'all know that Aerosmith & Guns'N'Roses was Ben's very first concert? His older brother took him for his birthday. That makes me laugh out loud, thinking of Ben at a Guns'N'Roses concert. Fast forward 3 years from that moment & he's drumming for Audio Adrenaline. But I digress...
This song is so not easy. It's downright difficult & nobody can do it like Steven Tyler. Danny doesn't have the scarves hanging from his microphone & his mouth isn't a mile wide like Steven's. And the last notes were not good. Did anyone feel like he just wanted to scream louder & higher than Adam? No matter what it sounded like? I didn't really love it, but he was a lot better than Kris or Allison. Simon said it was a scene out of Friday the 13th. What a doll.

Adam & Allison do a duet together & Adam comes out with lots of gold necklaces that look like they came right from Claire's in Cool Springs mall. Adam's high notes make me want to pee my pants. See? See how I just did that? Exhibit A.

Adam definitely did the best out of everyone. I know, I'm sad too, y'all. But I'm just being honest. I think Kris will be the one to go.

Let's all look forward to Pain-Killer Positive Paula's performance tomorrow night.
I'm looking forward to a whole lotta sleep soon.
until next time, sluts.

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