Rock Week

So it's Rock Week America, & Ryan informs us that the 'American Idol' signs began collapsing on stage, & the contestants had no time for a run-through. Blah blah blah. Already making excuses, & the show hasn't even started.

We're also informed that Paula will be performing on tomorrow night's episode. Oh sheesh, can't wait for that one. And this afternoon, I read that she has finally admitted to being addicted to painkillers. WHAT??!!! She's an addict?! This is breaking news! Words can't describe my disbelief. You mean her banter during each episode with Simon, her near-falling-off-her-chair moments, & her crazy-ranting-TV-slurring-interview last summer were all times in which she was under the influence of drugs? No! Say it ain't so.

So we're down to Kris, Allison, Adam, & Danny. Adam's back! No more Elvis, thank you Jesus. Allison's hair keeps getting redder & redder. She needs to take it down a notch.

Slash is the mentor this week. Ummm...mentor? "...Here's what I'm going to tell all of you...do all the drugs you can...drink boatloads of alcohol...get high every chance you get...remain in decades-long fights with your bandmates...and you're all set!" What sweet mentoring moments. I seriously want to run to Walgreen's down Liberty Pike to get Slash some Frizz-Ease.

Adam opens up the stage with "Whole Lotta Love" by Zeppelin, & once again tries to eat us. Along with it being a whole lotta love, it's also a whole lotta drama, as always. He does kill it, no doubt. Adam is wearing more make-up than I wear. You can tell that it's really effortless for him to sing this style of song. He doesn't seem nervous at all up there. Good for him. It gets really dramatic though, during the guitar solo in the middle. Adam dances to the guitarist, & it's way too dramatic for my liking. The Broadway show tunes & jazz hands are kinda shining through in pieces during this performance. No matter how you slice it, he's still a jazz-hands kind of guy. Heh. Randy thought it was hot, Kara thought he was a "rock god" (whaaa? Maybe a little too far...), Paula thinks he's a whole lotta perfect, & Simon thought it was one of his faves.

Allison goes next & her hair matches her lipstick. She sings "Crybaby" & does OK. However, I feel like every week is the same with her. I think we're getting only one genre from Miss Redhead. I'm not saying that's a bad thing; however, a little variety is not a crime. And every note that comes out of her mouth seems like it's a scream or a yell.

Kris & Danny do a Styx duet. Kris sounds AWFUL. And I meant for that word to be in all-caps. Danny sounds good, but this song isn't his style. Is it just me, or is Kris in a different key? All the notes that are escaping his mouth sound to be incorrect. Two words for everyone: Train. Wreck.

Kris sings "Come Together" & plays guitar. He says he looked over at Slash playing guitar & "almost wanted to pee my pants." I'm all for saying phrases like that on a blog, during a telephone conversation, or in an email. But declaring on national television that you want to pee your pants is quite another issue altogether. I don't like his rendition of this song. It's almost too vanilla. His voice is the opposite of rock. And I'm fairly certain that I heard his voice crack a couple times.

Danny closes out the show with "Dream On", one of Ben's all-time favorite songs. Did y'all know that Aerosmith & Guns'N'Roses was Ben's very first concert? His older brother took him for his birthday. That makes me laugh out loud, thinking of Ben at a Guns'N'Roses concert. Fast forward 3 years from that moment & he's drumming for Audio Adrenaline. But I digress...
This song is so not easy. It's downright difficult & nobody can do it like Steven Tyler. Danny doesn't have the scarves hanging from his microphone & his mouth isn't a mile wide like Steven's. And the last notes were not good. Did anyone feel like he just wanted to scream louder & higher than Adam? No matter what it sounded like? I didn't really love it, but he was a lot better than Kris or Allison. Simon said it was a scene out of Friday the 13th. What a doll.

Adam & Allison do a duet together & Adam comes out with lots of gold necklaces that look like they came right from Claire's in Cool Springs mall. Adam's high notes make me want to pee my pants. See? See how I just did that? Exhibit A.

Adam definitely did the best out of everyone. I know, I'm sad too, y'all. But I'm just being honest. I think Kris will be the one to go.

Let's all look forward to Pain-Killer Positive Paula's performance tomorrow night.
I'm looking forward to a whole lotta sleep soon.
until next time, sluts.