The next hour will change lives...

Ryan! You make me want to jump off a cliff, what with your menacing threats & surprises each week. I'm done with you. Doood.

They introduce a new rule, which I think is utter bunk. Something about saving a contestant, it having to be unanimous, 2 contestants being eliminated, & then I zoned out after that. Look Ryan, I'm going to tell you this once. And only once. I am your average viewer. I tune in every week, & I like to blog about such viewings. But once you start putting rules on me as a viewer, as an individual who votes every week (OK, I really don't vote every week, but I lie every now & then...) & put boundaries around my watching this stupid show as a recreation...that's where I draw a big black line. The line has been drawn, White-Teeth-Seacrest. I don't take orders from anyone. Ever. OK, except from Ben. But that's an entirely different blog altogether. What I'm trying to say is, I don't like taking orders from someone at Fox, thinking he's my Boss-Man. Don't cage me. I ain't no lion. So there.

Dim the lights, here we go. It comes down to Jasmine & Megan. Megan is safe, yay! Jasmine sings another song (yawn) & then cries in front of the entire nation. Pull it together, woman. She is sent packing.

Kanye comes in & sings for us all. I've got a little some'm some'm for my man West. Half of me thinks he's the dumbest idiot alive; the other part of me thinks maybe that idiocy is pure genius. It's a daily struggle. I lu-huv his music, but then I hear him say something like, "O.J. Simpson...amazing!" which makes me want to jump ship. So who knows? Tonight I'm gonna call myself a K-Fan. He sings "Heartless", a song I love because my little man L-Train claps & screams when it comes on the radio. I don't know how I feel about the dirty dish towel on his back pocket, but other than that, I'm game. He's sexy tonight.

It comes down to Anoop & Wonk-Eye. But during this, my girl Kelly comes on stage & I'm smitten. A smitten kitten. She sings "My Life Would Suck Without You" (which is Lincoln's favorite song today, incidentally...he knows every word). I'm trying to pinpoint what it is with Kelly's voice that makes me love it so much. It's kinda hoarse, kinda smoky, & kinda sounds like she always has a cold, all wrapped up into one. I'm in luuuuuuv with it. Kel, my life would totally suck without you.

Anoop gets through, while Wonk-Eye gets held back. So long, Wonk. I'm really gonna miss your ridiculously strong accent & your gimp eye. Adios, muchacho.

And to all you other friends, hasta luego. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.
Let's have as much fun next week.