Holy Tu-Tu!

We open up tonight's show with the drunk prancing out onto the stage with a tu-tu on. Ohhh, this is gonna be a good night everybody. She says she wants to "see the contestants challenge their artistic integrity." Deep.

It's the music of Motown tonight & we start off with some Smoky Robinson & Barry Gordy. Did y'all know that Smoky Robinson was on Days of Our Lives last year? Yup, he made a cameo in the soap world. He appeared to Marlena in the log cabin after her amnesia & after she had been brainwashed by the evil doctor. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

My Baby-Sweet-Baby: Mattie sings "Let's Get It On" on the piano. Let's.
I am totally loving Matt's ensemble choice tonight. Nice cardie, excellent tie, cool jeans, & honey voice. I think Ben & I may have to separate.

Kris Allen: Sings "How Sweet It Is", & apparently he blows Smoky away. Whaaa?!? Smoky, quit smokin'. I thought it was alright, not great. Basically pretty average. I honestly think I can walk through downtown Nashville, & find about 10 Kris Allens. Dime-a-dozen. But all 4 judges really liked him. I guess I'm wrong...or maybe I'm right & nobody knows it yet.

Scott: Royal Caribbean Cruise. Finally, someone is starting to tell the truth...thank you Simon. Scott, you have a stinky voice.

During the in-between time, Paula decides to bend down underneath the table to get something from her mini-bar...er, I mean to get some crayons & a coloring book for Simon. This is quickly turning into a sort of weird, slightly uncomfortable variety show. But then it gets even worse when she tells Ryan that she has something else hiding...but it's under her skirt. Holy Mary & Joseph, Paula needs a pink slip.

Megan: What is Megan wearing tonight? Awful. She's got a crazy up-do that looks like it's being drowned in hair spray. But I do like the flower tucked in there. I feel like she's way over-singing this song borderline on screaming at us. Do y'all think so? Eek, I hate this performance. Looks can only take you so far...

Anoop-Dawg: Oh dear, there are so many pitchy things going on. This is torture. Waiting, waiting, slow as molasses, I'd rather watch paint dry...

Michael: He puts way too many riffs in this song. Every single phrase has a trick through it. This makes me pissed. I'm trying to figure out why he's still here. Is it that he's the quintessential picture of the American Dream? The oil-rig token blue-collar worker living out his dream of going to Hollywood & making it all come true? I dunno. Simon couldn't wait for it to end & told Michael he had no chance of winning. OMG, Simon! Shame on you & the things you say. That's why I heart you, though.

Lil': Sings "Heat Wave" & sounds crazy good. Whoa, Lil! She's not scared to look sexy hot tonight. Her dress is so sassy. I had a good time watching her perform because I have faith that she will make all the notes. I don't have that confidence in anyone in this competition except for her. I can sort of relax when I watch her because there's no fear that she'll collapse or crack. But the judges didn't really like it very much. I think she'll get through though.

What-Will-He-Do-Next-Adam: Every time he gets on stage, I get kinda scared. It looks like Adam has dressed up as Elvis tonight, what with that slicked-back hair. I think he does a good job with the song. I was happy to see Adam get a bit more low-key, rather than go crazy like he usually does. Smoky gives him a standing-O. And so does Kara. Simon thought it was the best performance of the night.

Danny: I gotta tell you guys, I'm liking Danny's voice more & more with each week. He does amazing & is really great with the crowd. Of course, I'm totally rooting for Mattie, but Danny's a close second. My favorite part of his performance? When he ran to the back of the stage with his back-up singers & did the dance with them. How cute was that?!? Awesome, Danny.

Allison: She sounds good with this song. And she looks really cute tonight, too. Randy thought it was blazin' hot, Kara thought it was amazing, Paula gives her comments with a colored-on mustache, & Simon thought she was a survivor. OK, I have something to say. It seems like after Adam performed, the judges could not have cared less about the remaining contestants. They're in a fast time crunch, they're acting stupid silly, & their comments are kinda random...just like they're tired of being up there & commenting. It kinda cheapens the whole thing, in a way. That may sound crazy, but hey--sometimes I'm just a crazy gal.

OK I think Michael will be the one to go. Lordy, I hope so.
Smoke on, Smoky..