Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The Final Four

I had Bunco tonight, so I'm behind on my AI. Has anyone played Bunco? I play with all my neighborhood girlfriends, & man it's fun. Wine & bunco go hand in hand, like peanut butter & chocolate.
OK so we're down to the final four here. Ryan informs us that the competition is closer than it's ever been before. Oh Seacrest, quit your lying. And quit whitening your teeth. Seriously, they could glow in the dark.
Syesha looks so good tonight! And so does David Cookie Cupcake. Davie Archuletta looks scared out of his bloody mind. I will not speak of Jason Castro, simply because we all know he should have been gone weeks ago. And I mean weeks.
The contestants are honoring the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame. Of course, Ryan had to give detailed instructions on how the show was going to work for the drunk one behind the judge's panel. Poor Prescription Paula.

David Cook sings "Hungry Like the Wolf" & does just OK. I'm not a huge fan of that song, so that may be why I didn't love it. I kinda wish he had done something unique with the arrangement because he's so good at that. But he stuck with the original arrangement. His vocals were not "mad hot" as Dawg so eloquently put it. It left Paula with a big appetite (gross) & Simon thought it was a copy cat performance.
Syesha tells Ryan that she's so excited about meeting "ALL of her fans!" Then she says she looked at herself in the mirror & talked herself into singing "Proud Mary". Syesha has turned American Idol into a circus with this performance. Too many hip-shakes for me...way too many. I will say this. She is a smart girl. She knows she's the only girl left, & what better way to get votes in? Sex it up! She's not scared to play up her sexiness & sass around stage acting like Tina. I wonder what ole girl Miss Turner would think of that performance. She probably would've asked Ike to hit her again...this time, to knock her out completely so she wouldn't have to listen to that racket.
Jason Castro does "I Shot the Sheriff" by Bob Marley & it sucked. I can't say anything other than that. It completely sucked in every way. Ya know, is the sound weird tonight? It sounds like the band & the vocals just aren't in sync. Maybe that's why nobody sounds exceptional. Dawg hated it, Paula wasn't crazy about it, & Simon thought it was utterly atrocious. The truth hurts, Jason.
Archuletta does it again! He manages to sing an incredibly popular song that's not necessarily a ballad, but makes it sound like one. He does "Stand by Me" & does the exact same tricks he's done since Week 1. The one great thing about his performance are the amazing background vocalists. They sound amazing. Randy thought it was hot, Paula thought he is way beyond his years & that he finally opened his eyes, & Simon thought it was a good choice but there was some struggling. The girls wag their tongues, & he looks like he may need a brown bag to breathe in. Hello panic attack.
David does a The Who song & his voice sounds like butter. Or velvet. Or something smooth, you make the call. I thought he did so great! Dawg thought it was hot, Paula was humbled & wanted more David Cook, & Simon welcomed him back into the cool crowd. Way to bounce back.
Syesha does "A Change is Gonna Come". I'm not a fan of Syesha tonight. Mainly because she's, as my mom would say, a little too big for her britches. She wears a gold dress that pushes her boobies together, so I'm sure she'll get votes off of that alone. The song was good, a lot better than her first trainwreck. I need the number of her orthodontist stat.
Randy thought it fell flat, Paula gave her an undeserving standing ovation that made Syesha cry (what's happening right now? Why are there tears?), & Simon agreed. Which brings about more tears. Drama Queen, anyone?
Jason decides to do something stupid again like sing a Dylan song. Bob Dylan should be off-limits to anything America-Idol related. He's just too good. Wait, did he really just forget the lyrics? Or was that a nod to his smoked out friends back home? That was awful, no way around it. Paula stuttered something, while Simon told him to pack his suitcase. While you're packing, don't forget the hash that's probably hidden all over your hotel room.
Archuletta sings Elvis's "Love Me Tender". He claims he hasn't sung a romantic love song at all in this entire competition. Is he alive? Is he aware of where he is? You sing a romantic love song nearly every week, I'm afraid. He makes it as adult contemporary as he can, & I'm bored. Quite bored actually. Randy thought it was hot, it was one of Paula's faves, & Simon said he crushed the competition tonight. As much as I hate Toddler David, I have to agree. But I also think David Cook did the best. Syesha & Jason were an embarrassment.

Please, God in Heaven, hear my cry. Let Jason Castro go. Seriously.
Talk to y'all tomorrow niggity,


Courtney and Jason G. said...

Why cant I have bunco in my neighborhood... insert pouting face here.

Mary said...

um, so when I read your sentence about syesha wearing a gold dress i thought "no, it was totally peachy colored"...then I saw a picture online and it is in fact gold....guess that says a lot about our TV=)