Monday, May 7, 2007

I Don't Doubt Doubt.

"Here lies the basic flaw of all doubt: It can never really be satisfied. No evidence is ever fully, fully enough. Doubt wants always to consume, never to consummate. It demands proof but will doubt the proof proffered it. Doubt, then, can become an appetite gone wrong; its craving increases the more we try to fill it...Jesus tells Thomas AFTER he sees Him to stop doubting and believe. Belief is still called for, still demanded. Seeing does not remove the necessity of belief. Seeing is not believing. We walk by faith not by sight."
--Mark Buchanan

I am what you would call a worry-wart, a pessimist...I'm a glass-half-empty-girl through & through. You could definitely label me 'high stress' when the going gets tough. Ben even goes so far as to call me "Worst Case Scenario", as I consistently assume the worst. I doubt things like Lincoln's eating habits, my ability as a mother, our finances, our house getting built on time, whether or not I'll get a good parking spot at Publix. More importantly & more disturbingly, I doubt the Resurrection. I doubt that Jesus was and is my Substitute, and that the stone was in fact, rolled away. Because I didn't see it, how can I really believe it? And not just believe it, but claim it to be my life source? But time & again, I realize that we are not called to live our lives doubt-free. If we were, then faith would be obsolete. There would be no need for it at all. And that gives me comfort...that even in the midst of my dark doubts & worries (whether they be trivial or life-altering), there are wide open spaces in me that long to see the nail marks in His hands and put my fingers where the nails were. Jesus' wounds are what resist the doubt. In the words of my Savior, "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."