Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Boston, Boobs, & Beckham

Here we go, homies! Did y'all miss me? Tee-hee, don't answer that just yet.

Wow, we've got quite a new year set before us regarding American Idol. Paula leaves & takes her pills with her, Kara stays (which was kinda surprising to me), Randy continues getting bigger, Ellen joins in on the fun, & Simon announces yesterday that this year will be his last on American Idol. What the...who the...what's happening around here? Ying is yang, black is white, fat is skinny, Jon is Kate, Jon leaves the Eight, & this is Simon's last year...WHAAA?! How can this be? I'm positive I'm not the only fan who thinks that once Big S leaves, the entire train will derail into hell. But aren't we all in need of some newness around here? I mean, come on people, 9 years...!?? The gig must be getting old for him. He claims he wants to devote more time to his TV show that he created called The X Factor. A show in which contestants audition for the big prize of getting a record deal. Man. That sounds like such a creative & never-been-done-before idea. Run with that, Simon. It's going to break barriers!

And Ellen, let me just say my piece about her right quick. I love Ellen. I love her talk show, but I think she's ill-equipped to be a judge. There. I said it. In the words of my husband Ben, "Stick with what works, Ellen. Do your comedy routine & your talk show. Don't bust in on American Idol & think you know what you're doing." Well-played, husband. Well-played.

So let's move it people, onto the good stuff. Dim the lights...Victoria Beckham guest judges this week, & that's why I titled this post with the words 'boobs' in it. Cuz she's always showing hers. But tonight she's not. Go figure. What's she doing? I'm not sure...talk about a crazy universe. She's there to just spice it up. If you got that, then yay! you know what's goin' on.

Muffin Top: Our first contestant is clearly the one who is paid to come in & act out the one-who-can't-sing-and-is-over-the-top-dramatic. Muffin Top is terrible & gets NO'd by everyone.

Mattie Curtis: #9 of 12 kids. This 16-year old comes in & sings Leonard Cohen. It reminds me of a choir-voice. I don't dig it. All the judges did, so she gets through.

Holla!-Womanizer: Done. I'm not doing it.

Jennifer Hirsh: WTF? The Wicked Witch is Dead? What a song to choose, & I love it. It's a happy day for me to hear that.

(sidenote: Beckham needs powder big time)

Amadeo Diriccoo: I'm not sure what he's singing or what the hell the words are, but he's got a huge voice that's good! And his Italian family dinners make me like him even more. Can I come to one of those? He gets through with everyone's YESES. Even including Randy's "200%". Seriously, Dawg, are we doing this again this year? I can't handle anything more than 100%.

Derek: Very spiritual, long-haired blonde. He says he started "gradgitating" to music. Is that a nod to 'gravitating' & 'graduating'? I think so, Derek. Learn your grammar, & then we can talk. I've never seen anything like Derek. It's like something went wrong with the record player...in all seriousness. Zero. But get some Clearasil on the way out...Did I go too far?

Luke Shaffer: This is the first guy who I'm in love with this season. Yep, you can mark it in your books. Loved him, he gets through. Durr.

Serial-Killer-Andrew: This guy reminds me of Jeffrey Dahmer. I'm not even kidding, go check out truetv.com. The similarities are striking. He's actually got a voice that can stay on tune, but he's too scary for words. Kara's kicking a&& and taking names. After all that drama, Simon gives him a YES. I love that man. Simon, not Serial K. I got the feeling from this contestant that Kara is trying to take the place of Paula, what with her edgy banter with Simon. Ick.

Ashley Rodriguez: First things first: HER TEETH ARE BEAUTIFUL. She's so pretty! She kinds reminds me of Rosario Dawson, which I consider a good thing. She gets through with a resounding YES. Woopee!!

Tyler Grady/Tree Climber: Who climbs trees at that age? I've heard of tree-climbers at age 8, but not 19. He sings "Let's Get It On" & it's good. But his voice is kinda the 'dime-a-dozen' in Nashville. Just go down to 2nd Avenue & view for yourself. There's probably about 10 of those Tylers around downtown. Bleh. He gets 4 yeses, with Kara & Boobie Beckham giving him a double yes. They were goo-goo over him.

Lisa Olivero: With the way she was building herself up to be, you would have thought she would be amazing. Amazing she was NOT. It was like death. Slowly.

Katie Stevens: Holy crappers. She's UH-MAZING. And only 16 years old, Whoa!! I like this girl.

Tricky-Boy-in-Green: So many tricks I can't even count! He's tailor-made for Rascal Flatts. He tries to be mean, but he just can't be. He's way too nice & has to be nice to everyone. Kara gives him a yes for his loveliness. Simon & Vicky give him a yes too. Will 'Vicky' stick? I don't know, only time will tell.

Justin Williams: This guy had cancer 7 years ago & beat it. He sings a Buble song, & is OK. He's cute, so it's good. He's got pretty eyes, so he's great. He gets through.

Bosa Mora: Nigeria-born boy who has a shining light. Bosa has a very pure voice & gets through. The one thing his mom said after she heard the news? "God is good. And I am grateful." Indeed.

Leah Laurentii: Sings "Blue Skies" & her voice is sex-ay. I hope she gets through to the next round after this one. She's so emotional though...she nearly started crying before she started singing. Dry 'em up honey. You've got a lot of singin' to do before you let those waterworks over the dam.

OK, that's it for this week. This week has made something very clear to me. This may seem like a duh-moment for some of you, but for me, this was a huge thing. There are a lot of CRAZIES out there in this world. Ummm....wait, what? Yes, stating the obvious here. But there's more crazy people than sane people. I really think so.
And there's a lot of crazies that feel the need to spread their crazy all over the rest of us sane ones. This I don't like. Does it make us more sane or more crazy? Hell, who am I to judge.

Let's meet again, same time same place next week.

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