Paging Doogie Howser, MD

Doogie Howser is in the Hiz-ouse tonight. We're holding auditions in Dallas. Way to go, Lone Star. Let's go dancin'!

Julie Kevelighan: She does not give Dallas a good name. She sings "Black Velvet" the first time, then as if that wasn't bad enough, she sings another 2 songs to top it off. Why, oh why, when contestants get the initial NO from the judges, do they think they can reverse their decision by singing another song? Take note, future contestants, this is something you just do not do. Ever. Oh, and then! She tries to sing another song for Ryan when she leaves the audition room. Poor Ryan claims he can't do anything for her outside that judging room. The answer ends there. She blames her horrible audition on the fact that she didn't take a deep breath before she sang. Yes Julie, that's it. Your breathing.

Lloyd Vixen Sexy Thomas: Yup, I sure enough said that just now. He sings "Overjoyed" by Stevie Wonder. I thought he would be better than he actually was. He didn't wow me that much, but he could hold a tune.

Doogie & Simon are having a couple of tiffs. What's happening.

Kimberly Carver: She sings an original song, & she is amazing. Brilliant. Simon says he doesn't see anything current or anything original. Doogie strongly disagrees. Does someone have a crush on another? Hhmmmm...
I actually think Simon is threatened by Doogie b/c he's sort of taking the reigns while he guest judges. He's the one who is narrating, who is asking what each judge thinks, & he's running the show! Way to go Doogie.

Barney and Friends-S&M-Girl: I think I speak for all of us when I say what in the world is going on here? She says her dream is to let people know that Barney kids grow up. Yes, grow up to be dirty. Eek. Everyone gives her a YES, so she gets through. Wait, so did she get through b/c she was a Barney girl, or because she was good? I'm not certain. What I am certain of, however, is that it had something to do with leather, thigh-highs & a whip. Good grief.

Dave Pittman: Dave has a Tourette Syndrome, but it doesn't affect him when he's singing. How awesome is that?!!!! What a cool thing that he gets through & his family is so happy. Hip Hip Hooray for Dave.

Joe Jonas is the guest judge for the second day of auditions. Dallas is his hometown, so he's excited to be here.

Todrick Hall: Out of all the auditions, I think I like this guy the best. Of the best. The fact that he writes an original song about the audition process & all the judges is pretty cute. He gets through. I'm sincerely happy for Todrick.

Maegan Wright: She's from Richardson, Texas. She might be the first country singer to get through this season. She sings Dylan's "To Make You Feel My Love" & does great with it. She gets a golden ticket. And hot damn!!-her family is so happy for her that it makes me happy too.

Vanessa Johnson: Miss Optimist has entered the room. I don't know if she's ever been in a bad mood. Whoa, it's way too much. She sings "At Last" by Etta James. She starts in one key & the next note is in a completely different key. I don't think I can do this much longer. Simon says his nightmares look like what she sounds like. Here's Ben's quote: "That sounds like pictures of Hell I've seen." Heh, LMAO.

Christian Spears: Diagnosed with leukemia at 4 years old. She seems like a really sweet girl. She sings an Etta James song, too. She's only 16, so she's pretty good for her age. It's a little too dramatic for my taste, but she can hold her own. All the judges give her a yes, except for Randy who gives her "a billion percent yes." Damn you, Dawg. A billion percent!!???? Must we go through this every time?

Aren't y'all proud of me for blogging tonight? It's a first this season, woot woot.

In other news, Joe Jonas was a big fat huge torrential BORE. Zzzzzzz.....did something just happen, or was that my snoring that woke me up from my REM sleep cycle? Eek, it was like watching paint dry. I'm not a fan of the JoBros.

See y'all next week in Colorado.
seeyas.

Los Angeles, Baby

Good Evening Readers! First things first: for some reason, I cannot seem to find the time to blog about Wednesday's American Idol. I can never get the time slot to sit down, watch it, & then blog about it. Woopsie-Daisies. I'll try harder this week, but am still not making any promises. Don't hate me for the honesty.

Let's get 'er dun. Tee-hee. We're in Los Angeles tonight, so let's see what kind of talent they have. Avril Lavigne is a guest judge tonight, & there are no words to say about her devil-headed hoodie. Oh wait, I have a few words for that. Burn that hoodie after this taping. It's terrible & should never be worn again. By anyone. But other than the hoodie, I tend to really like her songs.

Neil Goldstein: His goal is to touch the soul of others. Don't you dare touch my soul, Neil. He kept on making a weird noise with his mouth after every phrase he said, & he also started profusely sweating. It's terribly excruciating watching this. He threatens the judges by saying, "I'm NOT going anywhere!"

Jim Ranger: This worship pastor seems pretty good. I like his bluesy voice. Avril, this is not "Let me tell you how it is on the road-American-Idol"...this is a gig in which you JUDGE. That's it. Nothing more than judging someone on their ability to sing. Why is she telling him about traveling, having a wife & 3 kids, & the like? Stick with the script, Miss Lavigne. She says no. However, he gets through...yay.

Damien-Martial-Arts-Guy: I really can't even believe I am blogging about this wack-job. He is terrible. He sings a Righteous Brothers song, & it sounds like hell. Righteous hell.

Mary Powers: She sings a Pat Benetar song and she sounds great. I like that her voice sounds like she drinks & smokes a lot...really hoarse & like it's about to go out. She gets through with everyone's YES.

AJ Mendoza: He brags about Adam Lambert giving him a thumbs-up regarding his vocal skills. He thinks he has made it in before he even walks in the door. I'm thinking he's going to kick some serious ass, but I am grossly mistaken. It's horrid, & the noises that escapes his mouth are like guttural, monster noises. Avril gives him an "Absolutely not!" which makes me like her more. He doesn't get through, thank the Lord.

Katy Perry is the guest host for this portion of American Idol. Heart.

Austin Fullmer : He claims that he doesn't think there's anyone who doesn't want to touch him on stage. Well, my hand is raised Austin, & I'm rebuking that claim. No way, no how. He sings a Cheap Trick song & it's like watching an off-off-off-off-Broadway musical. Simon asked if he could just clean water, which I almost peed my pants.

Andrew Garcia: He's a dad & knows he doesn't want his kids to grow up being in a gang. Andrew's dad gets way emotional & starts bawling during the interview. He's very proud of his son, which is touching. He sings a Maroon Five song, & I want to kiss this man. Not for his looks, but for his voice. Unreal. He gets through with everyone's YESes. Woot woot Andrew!!

Tasha Layton: A personal assistant by day (which, BTW, is my worst nightmare of a job), and a minister by night. Whaa? Go figure. I never would have thought that voice would've come out of that person! She's so good y'all. Everybody loves her.

Jason Green: Jason says he's going to get a golden ticket because he believes in magic. Really, Jason.?...Magic? Then why don't you use your magic & tell me if you're a boy or a girl. Because the lines are so muddied from where I'm sitting here on my couch. I'm not quite sure where to begin with this one. He sings "I Touch Myself", surprise surprise. He even gets down on his knees, so help me. Between the hair flipping, pointing to Kara, asking Simon to get on the ground to join him...ANNNND I'm done. Can't go on.

Chris Golightly: I don't really love Chris's voice, but I do love his last name. Golightly!!! Awesome. He's a little too musical theater for my taste, but he can certainly hold a tune. I like him even more when I find out he's been living in more than 25 foster homes. It's sad & causes pain, so I like him even more. Sidenote: what's happening with Katy & Kara? Keep it behind the camera, girls. Let's not be catty.

Tomorrow night is Dallas, y'all! Since I'm from there, don't even be thinking I won't be here to blog about it. I'm a Dallas girl at heart, for those of you who don't know. So I'll be rooting for the girls with big hair, big boobs, big jewelry, & big voices. Holla!

See you tomorrow night. No, really. I promise this time.

The Windy City

We can feel the love in Chicago, can't we???? Whew!! It's a crazy world out there, America!

We're in the heart of the midwest tonight, America. And what have we done to royally piss of Chi-Town??? I don't know, but something is amiss. BIG TIME. Dum, da-dum-dum. Is it terrible for me to say I'm DUNZO with the term "YES WE CAN"? I'm done with it, Obama. Done with it like done with having kids. That done. I ain't playin'. Ugh. Words can't describe how done I am. DUN.

Let's get our boots boogey-in...Shania!!! I love me some Shania. No, I"m not lying. I love Shania Twain, in a big way. She's a guest judge tonight. Yay!!!

Kaitlyn: 19-years old, kid of a recent divorce, blah blah blah. Ugh. She sings "Syrup & Honey" by Duffy. And she spanks it. I mean really spanks it. I liked it. Gets through.

Amy Lang: I'm not kidding, she's a girl who reminds me of a girl I went to Belmont with. Hysterical, cute, talented, ....until she hits the ground. We don't think it's funny when we think you went into a coma, Amy. She just took it to a whole other level. Not cool, Amy. She caught everyone off-guard with her hitting-the-ground-gig. Oh, it did not stand out. Needless to say, she doesn't get through.

Charity: from Little Rock, Arkansas. Whoa, Charity! You just killed it. Kilt it. You're THROUGH. yay! You're awesome.

Traffic-Violation-Angela-Martin: She sings a Mary J. Blige's song, & is super good. She's been dealt a hevty trash bin, & she needs a break. Everyone says YES, & she's through! Hell yes. Woop.

Alana Halbert: I love it that Shania tells her to start lower. Way to go, finally someone telling someone where to go & what to do. But sadly, that wasn't enough for poor Alana. Ugh, she was terrible. It never did any good.

John Park: Broadway -Bound. Ben hates this voice. I can go either way. I love musical theater & I love pop/rock. I like him.

Paige: She kicked ass. Potential. Only with Randy's OK, does she get through.

See you tomorrow night!
xoxo

Boston, Boobs, & Beckham

Here we go, homies! Did y'all miss me? Tee-hee, don't answer that just yet.

Wow, we've got quite a new year set before us regarding American Idol. Paula leaves & takes her pills with her, Kara stays (which was kinda surprising to me), Randy continues getting bigger, Ellen joins in on the fun, & Simon announces yesterday that this year will be his last on American Idol. What the...who the...what's happening around here? Ying is yang, black is white, fat is skinny, Jon is Kate, Jon leaves the Eight, & this is Simon's last year...WHAAA?! How can this be? I'm positive I'm not the only fan who thinks that once Big S leaves, the entire train will derail into hell. But aren't we all in need of some newness around here? I mean, come on people, 9 years...!?? The gig must be getting old for him. He claims he wants to devote more time to his TV show that he created called The X Factor. A show in which contestants audition for the big prize of getting a record deal. Man. That sounds like such a creative & never-been-done-before idea. Run with that, Simon. It's going to break barriers!

And Ellen, let me just say my piece about her right quick. I love Ellen. I love her talk show, but I think she's ill-equipped to be a judge. There. I said it. In the words of my husband Ben, "Stick with what works, Ellen. Do your comedy routine & your talk show. Don't bust in on American Idol & think you know what you're doing." Well-played, husband. Well-played.

So let's move it people, onto the good stuff. Dim the lights...Victoria Beckham guest judges this week, & that's why I titled this post with the words 'boobs' in it. Cuz she's always showing hers. But tonight she's not. Go figure. What's she doing? I'm not sure...talk about a crazy universe. She's there to just spice it up. If you got that, then yay! you know what's goin' on.

Muffin Top: Our first contestant is clearly the one who is paid to come in & act out the one-who-can't-sing-and-is-over-the-top-dramatic. Muffin Top is terrible & gets NO'd by everyone.

Mattie Curtis: #9 of 12 kids. This 16-year old comes in & sings Leonard Cohen. It reminds me of a choir-voice. I don't dig it. All the judges did, so she gets through.

Holla!-Womanizer: Done. I'm not doing it.

Jennifer Hirsh: WTF? The Wicked Witch is Dead? What a song to choose, & I love it. It's a happy day for me to hear that.

(sidenote: Beckham needs powder big time)

Amadeo Diriccoo: I'm not sure what he's singing or what the hell the words are, but he's got a huge voice that's good! And his Italian family dinners make me like him even more. Can I come to one of those? He gets through with everyone's YESES. Even including Randy's "200%". Seriously, Dawg, are we doing this again this year? I can't handle anything more than 100%.

Derek: Very spiritual, long-haired blonde. He says he started "gradgitating" to music. Is that a nod to 'gravitating' & 'graduating'? I think so, Derek. Learn your grammar, & then we can talk. I've never seen anything like Derek. It's like something went wrong with the record player...in all seriousness. Zero. But get some Clearasil on the way out...Did I go too far?

Luke Shaffer: This is the first guy who I'm in love with this season. Yep, you can mark it in your books. Loved him, he gets through. Durr.

Serial-Killer-Andrew: This guy reminds me of Jeffrey Dahmer. I'm not even kidding, go check out truetv.com. The similarities are striking. He's actually got a voice that can stay on tune, but he's too scary for words. Kara's kicking a&& and taking names. After all that drama, Simon gives him a YES. I love that man. Simon, not Serial K. I got the feeling from this contestant that Kara is trying to take the place of Paula, what with her edgy banter with Simon. Ick.

Ashley Rodriguez: First things first: HER TEETH ARE BEAUTIFUL. She's so pretty! She kinds reminds me of Rosario Dawson, which I consider a good thing. She gets through with a resounding YES. Woopee!!

Tyler Grady/Tree Climber: Who climbs trees at that age? I've heard of tree-climbers at age 8, but not 19. He sings "Let's Get It On" & it's good. But his voice is kinda the 'dime-a-dozen' in Nashville. Just go down to 2nd Avenue & view for yourself. There's probably about 10 of those Tylers around downtown. Bleh. He gets 4 yeses, with Kara & Boobie Beckham giving him a double yes. They were goo-goo over him.

Lisa Olivero: With the way she was building herself up to be, you would have thought she would be amazing. Amazing she was NOT. It was like death. Slowly.

Katie Stevens: Holy crappers. She's UH-MAZING. And only 16 years old, Whoa!! I like this girl.

Tricky-Boy-in-Green: So many tricks I can't even count! He's tailor-made for Rascal Flatts. He tries to be mean, but he just can't be. He's way too nice & has to be nice to everyone. Kara gives him a yes for his loveliness. Simon & Vicky give him a yes too. Will 'Vicky' stick? I don't know, only time will tell.

Justin Williams: This guy had cancer 7 years ago & beat it. He sings a Buble song, & is OK. He's cute, so it's good. He's got pretty eyes, so he's great. He gets through.

Bosa Mora: Nigeria-born boy who has a shining light. Bosa has a very pure voice & gets through. The one thing his mom said after she heard the news? "God is good. And I am grateful." Indeed.

Leah Laurentii: Sings "Blue Skies" & her voice is sex-ay. I hope she gets through to the next round after this one. She's so emotional though...she nearly started crying before she started singing. Dry 'em up honey. You've got a lot of singin' to do before you let those waterworks over the dam.

OK, that's it for this week. This week has made something very clear to me. This may seem like a duh-moment for some of you, but for me, this was a huge thing. There are a lot of CRAZIES out there in this world. Ummm....wait, what? Yes, stating the obvious here. But there's more crazy people than sane people. I really think so.
And there's a lot of crazies that feel the need to spread their crazy all over the rest of us sane ones. This I don't like. Does it make us more sane or more crazy? Hell, who am I to judge.

Let's meet again, same time same place next week.
xoxo

What are you lookin' at?

Happy New Year, Welcome 2010

Last night was the first night in all of the time I've known Ben (that is 10 years) that he has had New Year's Eve off. When he used to be in AudioA, there was always a NYE show, no matter what. And since he has been working at Rocketown, there has always been some sort of show or teen program that he has had to work. But not this year. He had off & it was glorious. We stayed home, ordered in dinner, played games with the boys, & watched Inglourious Basterds. And we actually stayed up to watch the ball drop. It was a very sweet welcome to 2010.
Today is a day full of taking down the Christmas tree, some serious cleaning around our home, & enjoying our time together as a family.
Here are some photos:


Lincoln spent the entire day in his Transformers slippers that he got for Christmas:


And showing off his Transformers walkie-talkies. Can you tell that he's in a Transformer phase? Sheesh.






Ben watched Lightning McQueen with the boys & got some good rest time in.


And the boys cuddling together on the couch. It's been a very peaceful day.


HAPPY NEW YEAR!