Friday, July 11, 2008

a hard place

I believe Lincoln is realizing that Levi is here to stay. The past 2 weeks have been sort of a train wreck. I don't know if it's because Lincoln is nearly 3 1/2 years old, or if he is wanting Levi to go back to the hospital...but whatever it is, it's a hard place around our home. He is always wanting to do the very opposite of what I say. Do you want lunch? No lunch! Do you want a movie? No movie! We have been reacting to his outbursts of "No!" with time-outs & occasional spankings. However, I am beginning to think that ignoring it may be the best course of action at this point. I think Lincoln is seeing Levi's personality come alive, seeing Levi laugh, & seeing me & Ben smile because of these developments. This, I believe, is making Lincoln feel jealous & somewhat lesser of a son. It is so emotionally draining for me to be consistent with every sort of disciplinary action I take with him. If I don't follow through with something I say, then he picks up on it & remembers it. This causes a lot of pressure on me as a mom. The good thing in this situation is the fact that Lincoln is not being mean or harmful to Levi in any way. He still loves on him, still plays with him, & still loves being around him & talking to him. It is me & Ben that he is being defiant with. Please pray for me that I will not lose it during my days with Lincoln, that I will take each moment as it comes, & that I will know how to handle this phase.
I read this psalm today & thought of the difficult place I'm in. Maybe it will help you too, if you are in a hard place:

"Hear my voice when I call, O Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
You have been my helper."
--Psalm 27:7-10

Better days to come,


Lindsay Schneck said...

you are a good mom :)

Melissa P. said...

so sorry it is a hard season. you are a wonderful mom and you are loving your boys BOTH of them very, very well.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there! Sounds like he is testing limits. Here are a few different things to try -just ideas. 1. Give him a choice. Like for or sandwich. 2. Instead of asking if he wants lunch, say "it's time for lunch". If he responds with no - Say something to the effect of it's now or never. If he comes to you an hour later saying he is hungry. Tell him you are sorry, but that he'll have to wait until snack time later. It might take a few struggles, but he'll figure out that when you say it's time to do something - now means now or he misses out on that opportunity. He won't starve - don't worry. He'll figure it out quick - promise. 3. Have an activities box. A "special" box that you pull out. Be sure to surprise him by changing the activites inside periodically, so he has something to look forward to. That way - instead of saying "do you want to watch a movie?" have him go to the special box and pull out an activity he wants to do. Still a time consuming activity, but something of his choice. You could even have him help decorate a special box. (examples of things to put inside-crayons, markers, ink pads, playdough, movies, puzzles, board games, blocks, magna doodles, etc.)

Lastly, hang in there! I know I already said that...but you are a great mom!

Hesters said...

you are a wonderful mom...I will be praying for you and this rough time. Hopefully it will be over before you know it. luv ya :-)

Courtney and Jason G. said...

can anonymous write a book?

or will you store all of this wisdom and save it for me?

praying for you!!!

Mary said...

i'm not a mom yet, but in all of the therapy work i've done (granted it was with children who have autism) and the psychology courses i have taken, reinforcing the heck out of what you want and ignoring what you don't want (as you have already realized) is the way to go. unfortunately, you'll know exactly what you should have done once it's all over because that's the way life is!! good luck with your boys- one thing is for certain, they are very special and very well loved and that's obvious!