Week 2-San Diego

Here we go, Week 2 guys! We're in San Diego. Who knew that San Diego had so many crazies? It seems like barely anyone got through tonight; everyone basically sucked, except for a few.

Tetiana-Can't-Pronounce-Her-Last-Name: Amazing voice & so pretty! Simon, Simon, 2 minutes into the show & you're already being nasty ...maybe that's why I love you. So he says, "I don't think you'll ever be great." And that little spitfire says, "Let me prove you wrong, Simon!" Is it bad that I think it's totally cool that she is so over-confident?

Single-Dad-Man: He never did specify how his wife died, but it sounds like it involved some illegal drugs & mysterious activity. So there his son was, sitting with his single dad, looking all cute & sad. Is it me, or is FOX trying to tug at every American heartstring by focusing on all the tragic stories of these auditions? Come on, last week we had a girl whose daughter has Retts syndrome, a girl who had been in a horrible accident that ruined her face, & not to mention the Egyptian guy who couldn't discern a foot from a nipple. The list goes on & on. Can I just get a story that doesn't involve tears? The Boyz II Men song he did was yummy. He gets through with all 3 judges approval.

Australian-with-the-Sexy-Accent: You can sing, dance, do whatever you want...just keep talking with that accent. Does anyone else think Australian accents are the hottest thing ever? He gets a ticket. Why does Randy keep saying "One hundered million percent yes"? Does he know that just doesn't make any sort of mathematical sense?

Valerie-Wannabe-Mariah: Oh no you di-n't. This girl claims that when she's walking down the street singing, people stop her & ask, "Did you have Mariah playing?" And she responds with, "No, that was me!" Yeah, that happens to me all the time too. When she started singing, it sounded like someone was inside her throat trying to escape, desperately. And she thought she really did great after Simon's "Oh. my. god." comment. Then she realizes that she will be on the 'rejects' video reel that we are all now watching. Yep, honey, we're watching it & you belong on this reel in every single form. Gosh, I love TV.

The-Two-Nurses-Who-Think-They-Can-Sing: I don't know what sort of nurses these people are, but let's just say it frightens me to my very core knowing that they take any part in the medical community anywhere in the universe. They stepped off the crazy train just long enough to perform absolutely torturous auditions, then cuss at all the judges to the camera when they get rejected. The guy says that everywhere he goes & starts singing, he turns heads. I'm going to let you in on a little secret: The singing is not what turns the heads; it's the sheer noise it creates. This is the perfect scenario of a friend telling another friend, "Of course you can sing! You'll make it all the way to Hollywood! Now listen to me..." It's just a cycle of lies, people. A cyle. Of. Lies. One feeds on the other, & before you know it, they think they're Idol material & off they go to pursue their dreams. Why do both of these people keep on singing, even when they're told to stop? She starts crying profusely, saying that she knows she can sing & one day she'll be back. Let the dream die.

The Sisters-Who-Want-To-Be-Simon's-Lovers: The girl attempted an Aretha song (which I think is always a big fat no-no) but it sounded really good. And I like how her sister sits on Simon's lap, acting like a 4th panel judge. Simon, you're a man after my own heart. After Big Sis gets through, Simon claims, "I love this country!" Of course, put an American girl on your lap & any Brit would love the USA.

Alberto-Gross-Long-Fingernails: This one says he gets so caught up in his imagination that he "maybe sometimes lives there." Um, yeah, maybe. I won't give any more time to this guy.

16-Year-Old-Vocal-Paralysis-Child: This teenager is so smiley I can't stand it. He looks like a mini Ryan Cabrera. He sings John Mayer, & does pretty well. I think the only reason he gets through is because he's so young. He gets through, even though he forgets his lyrics. And Randy, dawg--I am choosing to overlook your background vocals.

Carly Smithson: I'm not giving her any sort of nickname because I already remember her real name. She's that good. Can I say already that she should win the entire competition? It doesn't matter, because I just did. She was kickin ass & taking names. I mean, a WHITNEY song no less, & she made it all her own. Loved her & what I loved even more was that her husband was so adorable when she came out with her ticket. He teared up for her. Although I couldn't tell if those were tears, or if it was just another tattoo on his face. tug. heartstring. FOX, you've done it again.

The next stop is Charleston, South Carolina. The South is representin', y'all.
I'm Out.