Philly

THIS IS AMMMM-ERICAN IDOL!!!
Well, here we are again peeps, & I'm convinced this year will be better than last. It better be. Let's get straight to the important stuff. Paula stood up straight, Simon actually looked excited (shocker!) & Randy has a goatee. What??!! So random, dawg. And the sideburns...seriously.

--OK first. Joey Catalano: Is that a long-lost relative of the hot Jordan Catalano on My So-Called Life, circa 1992 on MTV? He did a little Maroon 5 number...I couldn't decide if I liked it or not. I'm still undecided. He gets through, though. Good for him & his skinny self.
--The Egyptian guy!! My favorite part of that montage was the black girl all dressed in white (including the church hat) saying, "Just cuz you not married doesn't mean you can't have kids? Welcome to a new city baby cuz that's all that's goin on over here..." Classic. and super classy. And excuse me please, but did he say he wanted to love a girl "from the hair to the nipple"? I rewound that part three times, & sure enough, that's what he said. Lost in translation maybe? His singing was nothing I will write about.
--Taylor Hicks' back-up singer: Not a fan. Is being a back-up singer this season going to turn into a curse? Perhaps.
--James Lewis, the Philadephia tour guide: "Let my people go." Let ME go, Jim.
--Junot Joyner: I loved his voice. Apparently so did the judges b/c he gets through.
--Jonathan Baines: 17 years old, I'm guessing he will be this year's male Jordin Sparks. Girls will clamor.
--Temptress Brown: A linebacker at 16 years old? She looks like she's about 35. Oh dear lord, I think Levi lost some of his hearing while she was singing the Jennifer Hudson song. She starts crying & asks for another song. Cheer up, Charlie...go tempt another talent.
--Oody: This gem says he uses music in the workplace as a motivational tool. If I worked at his place of employment, I would not be motivated. I would be ill. He says that people say he sounds like Frank Sinatra. Dude, welcome to Earth. People also say I look like Heidi Klum. And when I say people, I mean absolutely no one. When he said, "I should've fine-tuned some things", Ben said, "You can't polish a turd."
--Alexis Cohen: You say you march to the beat of a different drummer. I think what you mean to say is that you march to the beat of the 10 different voices in your head. And I'm so serious when I say that. When she was talking junk about Simon, I love how Ryan stands behind her like nothing is happening. Simon, I hope you take note that she is going back to actressing! As God as her witness, she will be victorious!!
--Angela: Her story was so sad about her handicapped daughter & I'm happy that she made it through.
--Milo Turk: No sex allowed. "I write songs that nobody else has heard before. They need to be heard on the radio." Simon looks like he has been hit in the head with a frying pan. I wish I had been hit in the head with a frying pan.
-- Chrisite Lee Cook: What a cutie! I loved her from the moment I heard her say she trains for cage fighting. And I really liked her voice. She passes.
--Beth Stalker: Her voice is from a different generation...I loved it. She gets through, even with Simon's big fat no.
--Chris Watson: The dred locks guy did an Uncle Kracker song which I absolutely abhor. But he actually sounded pretty good. And he was so humble, which made me like him even better. Until he said he was only there for the chicks. Ugh.
--Christina Telesano "Princess Leia": She is nothing but a bunch of crazy bottled up ready to freakin explode all over the place. I was so mortified throughout her audition that I almost couldn't watch it. Almost. Did she dress up as the Princess just because? I don't get it.
--Brooke White: The most outrageous thing about her is that she's never seen a rated R movie. And right! that her husband follows that rule too. Whatev. You know he leaves work early to catch a flick or two. But she sounded really good; I love that song she did. Did Simon just tell her to "give him a week" to lure her over to the dark side? Ha. Oh Simon...I'm so happy to see you again.

Tomorrow night is the Lone Star State. Y'all know that's my state...be hearing from me soon.