Charleston...Snore...

We stopped in Charleston last night, & man, was it a bore. Not so much talent in the friendliest city in the USA. Let's start it up:

--I'm going to address this issue first & foremost, & I will probably laugh about it in the days to come. We start off with Oliver Highman. Seriously?!? That's your God-given name? Ben looked at me & said, "You can't write this stuff up."
First things first, Oliver. You need to march yourself straight down to the county courthouse & fill out a Change of Name Document as fast as your short little legs can take you. He was dressed as if he was going to court anyways, so it really wouldn't have been that big of an inconvenience to just swing by the courthouse on his way to the hospital to have his first baby. At least he has his priorities straight...he wasn't like Alien Phil from last season who just altogether missed his baby's birth because of his audition. Oliver Highman (laugh) comes back after the birth, auditions, sounds ridiculous, & then shows off his new daughter to the judges. Poor Ollie didn't get a golden ticket.

--Richard-Afro-Dude: He advertises that he sounds like Clay Aiken. Here's the first rule: Don't ever tell people that again. Dawg says it's a little bit over the top. Yeah, little bit. And poor Paula--I just want you to say "NO" to someone. She just can't seem to say that word to anyone...it's always "I'm going to have to pass..." or "I'm sorry sweetheart".

--DeAnna-Nutjob: This girl's from the same town as Kelly Pickler. She walks into the audition room with one strap of her shirt off. Can she not lift it back up please? I don't know if she thinks it's sexy that way, but I want to assure her that it's not. Then she runs through her buffet waitressing job, like any one of those judges care about her tips. Why do people think it's OK to fall down to their knees when they're singing? When she left the room, she had a sicko "Single White Female" look on her face that kinda made me want to call the police.

--Idol-Message-Board-Couple: These people make out several times during this entire montage, which makes me want to turn off the TV straight away. They come in together to audition, & they do a duet by Andy Griggs. He forgets his lyrics over & over again...then she has to remind him of the words. Then she starts singing herself...what may be a completely different song. It was altogether a trainwreck, & the judges agreed with me. Why wouldn't they.

--Bro-&-Sis: The Ow!! Factor duo. Michelle & Jeffrey were hilarious & quite good. Jeffrey definitely kicked it better than his sister. I'm surprised that Randy didn't say "That was a little pitchy" because sheesh, it was at several points. I liked how Simon kept those two together...."I can't split you two up!" Loved it. Hallelujiah, Jesus.

--Dance-Team-Abstinence-Girl: Oh, where do I begin. This little angel Mandy-Moore lookalike goes to school & talks to students about abstaining from sex, drugs, & booze. Maybe Simon does need that course. I can't believe she gave that little speech to the judges. Ironically, she also reminds me of Mandy Moore's character in the movie "Saved!". Now that's a movie to see. I agree with Simon that she's way over the top annoying, but yet he puts her through with a golden ticket. Oh, this season should get really good.

--London: So so pretty, although I hated that Billie Holiday song she did. That's about all I have for this one.

Sidenote: DOES ANYONE NOTICE WHAT PAULA IS WEARING ON THE 2ND AUDITION DAY? I don't know what the heck that's all about, but she needs to change faster than a speeding bullet.

--Aretha-Jamaica-Girl: All I see is boobies. I can't even concentrate on anything else because I've never seen such. And Simon says "...the huge belt..." Oh sweetheart, we all know what you really meant. When she gets completely rejected by every judge & still doesn't believe that she hasn't made it, Simon even pulls out the last words of Jesus: "It is finished."

--Joshua-Jennifer-Hudson-Singer: "I don't have a good voice?!? This show is fake & rigged!" Hello, Loose Canon. Joshua didn't even stick around long enough to hear the No's. Then he claims that the judges said South Carolina has no talent. Darlin, you need to take it on home. He looks straight at the camera & says, "Anywhere out there looking for talent, it's Josh Bosen! My talent is too big for this competition to hold." Um, I don't think anyone's looking for your kind of "talent". What people will be looking for is a psych ward to have you admitted.

Something completely amazing could have happened after that, but my DVR quit recording at that point so that's all I have.
Happy weekends everybody!