six months & growing...

This week marked my being pregnant six months. It has gone by so fast this time around. With Lincoln, every month seemed like an eternity. Now, I suppose I'm too busy chasing after Lincoln, sweating, & breathing heavily after climbing one flight of stairs to even count the days or months of this pregnancy. There's something freeing about looking down at my calendar & saying, "Wow! I'm 6 months pregnant already!" With that freeing sensation & feeling, there also comes a somewhat surprising emotion I am also feeling these days. It rose upon me today in the car while driving Lincoln home from school: Grief. I am grievous that my time with Lincoln, just the 2 of us, day in and day out, is narrowing to a close. It brought me to tears this afternoon when I thought that no longer will I be looking back in the van to just one sweet boy anymore. How do I have room in my heart to love another when my first love, Lincoln, takes up every piece of space & time? Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to be having another darling boy in our family (and I know Ben can second that) & cannot wait to kiss him & call him by name. This new son calls for more room in my heart, more space in my spirit, more love in my arms, & more tears on my face. How can this be? I so easily forget that I am not the one who can provide more, more, more, but Jesus Christ himself. The pendulum swings wide & far of His love for His own. The psalmist says, "You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound." I feel that Lincoln is the beginning of our grain and new wine...baby Levi is the greater joy that is added to our bounty. So my prayers these next few months will be just what the psalmist claims. Fill my heart with greater joy, Lord.

It's the day of the show, Y'all.

Friday Night Lights premieres in just a couple short hours. Don't get me started on how excited I am. Go for the Gusto! Break out the bubbly! Put on my party dress! Dust off my dancing shoes! Boot-Scootin' Boogie! Not quite sure the reason for the old-fashioned sayings, but it goes with the territory when I'm watching a TV show that is designed for a typical 14-year old.
To that end, I hope it's the bee's knees.

Lincoln...a fan of Damien Rice? Yep.

We've reached the stage. It's the stage that I used to laugh secretly about, snicker altogether about, & just blatantly take as a joke. But no joke it is. It's the stage (in what I'm assuming is the never-ending stage at this point) of your kid absorbing every single word & action you say & do. Oh dear Lord. I'll set it up for you so you can get the full effect of its volume. For those of you who don't know me or my musical taste, I'm secretly in love with Damien Rice. This is no secret to Ben either. So I've been listening to his latest album frequently of late. We were running errands, it was just me & Lincoln in the car, & the song ended (it was #1 on the CD, if you care to wonder) & Lincoln screamed, "song again!" I looked back & he has this horrified, offended look on his face, clearly wanting me to play the song again. So I obliged, secretly thinking he didn't say what I thought he said. The song started again, & all of a sudden, I hear Lincoln start singing the words, word for word..."Leave me out with the waste, this is not what I do..." Um...I'm no scholar or teacher, but I'm gonna take a leap & say these are not the words he needs to be learning. Anything that involves "throwing people out with the waste" are not for a toddler's ears. I looked back & said, "Oh my gosh, you know the words?!?" He looks at me & says, "Oh my gosh mama! Lincoln's singin!" I called Ben immediately, & by the time I got home later that day, he had a compilation CD made with awful sing-a-long songs on it. Some of these include "Big House" sung by a girl whom I can only presume to be tone-deaf, "This Little Light of Mine", which is sung by a choir of kids who, let's face it, are just screaming loudly, & "Deep and Wide": there are no words to describe this one. A part of me died yesterday...no more sweetheart Damien to soothe my weary soul. It also makes me scared. No longer will I be a calm driver...I'll be clenching the steering wheel with bleeding eardrums & a longing to veer my car off the new McEwen bridge as Lincoln sings, "It's my father's house..." in the background.

landscaper lincoln

Psalm 18:30-35

"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless.
He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.
For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me;
You stoop down to make me great."

He stoops down to make me great. The God of All Things, the Creator of Time, the Life-Sustainer...He stoops down to make me great. What a welcoming notion & what a beautiful truth...

The cheese stands alone!

That's right friends. The Cheese is me. I will be outnumbered in this family...we just found out this morning that we're having another boy! Praise Jesus that he is healthy, normal & measuring right where he should be. I guess I should get used to wrestling, football, soccer, hikes, fishing, recreational sports of all kinds, & big appetites. I love boys.
To those who were praying this morning during the ultrasound: You are like cities built on a hill, lights that cannot be hidden.
Thank you so much.
Toodles from Big-Mama's-House-and-teeny-weeny-boy

Really Fun or Really Boring?

My friend Melissa challenged me to blog "100 Things About Myself" that the average friend of mine would not know. If you find yourself intrigued & interested, you're a great friend! If you find your eyelids getting heavy & nodding off , let's re-evalute this friendship. Here we go:

1. I always hated my first name until I met my husband Ben, who said he loved it from the moment he heard it.
2. I never thought about getting married or having a family when I was younger. I wanted to live alone in a big city.
3. I am Type A with definite control issues.
4. I almost died when I was 2 years old of epiglotitis.
5. I absolutely hate my hands & fingernails.
6. Sometimes when I look at my son, my heart literally hurts.
7. I have to, under any & all circumstances, sing in the car while I'm driving. I'm always the back-up singer.
8. There will never be in this universe a better sandwich than Peanut Butter & Jelly on white bread.
9. I have worked at 4 different dry cleaners.
10. After I delivered Lincoln, I lost the lower part of my hearing in my left ear. It came back though. Don't cry for me.
11. I am extremely claustrophobic...so much so that it's getting difficult for me to step into any enclosed space.
12. When I wear jeans, I almost always wear heels because if I don't, I feel short, big-thighed, & fat.
13. I abhor running.
14. After I had Lincoln, I developed allergies I never had before & started drinking coffee.
15. I broke up with my 4th grade boyfriend because his breath always smelled like waffles & syrup.
16. I had my first kiss at age 17 in a white Jeep Wrangler with the top down.
17. One of my favorite memories is me & my mom watching Golden Girls in her bed when my dad was out of town.
18. I loathe MTV. What used to be a media outlet for rising bands & artists to hone their musical skill & talent has become nothing short of an embarrassing reality to where the next generation is headed. That, or maybe I'm just too old for MTV.
19. I have horrible sinus problems.
20. I think Ethan Hawke is so sexy.
21. I sleep only with a fitted sheet; no flat sheet.
22. I have to have one leg in & one leg out when I'm falling asleep.
23. I dread putting on make-up.
24. I make a really great lasagna.
25. Sometimes I'll just get in the car & drive without a destination.
26. My sister & I used to get in fights in the morning while we were getting ready for school if our hair didn't turn out right. Those were roughly the years of 1989-1993, so you do the fashion math.
27. I have never once colored my hair.
28. I still wear a retainer at night. I got my braces off 15 years ago & am still worried that they will go back to the way they were.
29. I am extremely teeth-conscious. I have to floss every single night & brush at least twice daily.
30. Ben takes horrible care of his teeth. So horrible that they had to just altogether pull a molar out because it was dead. Take a wild guess of how frustrated this makes me.
31. As much as I try to love people unconditionally, I always come up short. Then I think of Jesus.
32. It is really hard to love well.
33. I think if I could, I would choose to have a muffin from Starbucks every day for breakfast.
34. Ben & I have a dream of moving to Montana someday. We'll own & work a small store together, go to our house on the ranch & watch the sun set. Oh yeah, we'll also be drinking ice-cold lemonade on the front porch swing.
35. One of my closest friends is an old boss of mine.
36. I would rather have diarrhea all day long than throw up once.
37. I love scary movies. I'm the girl that screams in the theater.
38. I like shaved heads rather than long hair on guys.
39. I hate Paris Hilton & everything she represents.
40. I get carsick very easily. A trip to Wal-Mart in the backseat can do the trick.
41. I used to look at doctors as if they were miracle workers. Magicians. Saviors. Now I look at them & think, "You went to school for a really long time & studied hard. You're human, just like me. And you get paid a ton to hopefully know what you're doing." No illusions of grandeur.
42. I love love love Chili's chips & salsa.
43. I also love an ice cold frozen margarita with my 2 best girlfriends.
44. I could watch "Gone with the Wind" 100 times over.
45. I don't think I've ever prayed harder than when I'm praying for Lincoln to know & pursue Christ.
46. I love the Gospel, although I'm not a huge fan of traditional gospel music.
47. I honestly don't like U2 or the Beatles. Feel free to judge.
48. Ben makes me laugh more than anyone I know.
49. I worry too much for my own good.
50. I don't keep up with politics at all, but I feel entitled to gripe about this country's severe problems. Then I wonder why I don't try to take a more active role in the community to try to fix some of those problems.
51. I have no idea how I will vote in this next presidential election.
52. I hate summer.
53. My favorite emotion is laughing & crying at the same time.
54. When I see one of my best friends going through a hard time, I am heavy-laden & feel as though it were my own problem. I think that means I'm a good friend.
55. I am easily stressed about things I have no control over.
56. I hate manual labor. This drives Ben insane.
57. I watch Days of Our Lives every single day.
58. I have no desire to ever read the books Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter.
59. I have never seen Star Trek, & the first time I ever watched a Star Wars movie was at a drive-in with Ben when we were dating. I hated it.
60. I learned how to change & patch a tire about 12 hours ago.
61. I wish I had green eyes instead of brown.
62. I love thunderstorms.
63. I hate turtlenecks & never wear them. They make me feel claustrophobic & like I'm choking.
64. I love that Jesus' power is made perfect in my weakness. Nothing else in this world comes close to that.
65. I also love that no matter how high or deep the story is, there will never be a greater story ever told than the one of the Savior.
66. I have watched every single episode of Beverly Hills, 90210.
67. I need to make lists in my life to feel like I'm accomplishing something. Yeah. Type A. Shocker.
68. I'm enamored by Kelly Clarkson's voice.
69. I hate shopping for window treatments.
70. I start decorating for the fall season mid-August. Come over to my house today & you will smell the harvest.
71. I really believe that if I could have any job, it would be with the Red Cross going to areas of the country where they have experienced natural disasters. This desire only increased after I saw the operation failure after Katrina.
72. I can't do hot fudge sundaes. How can I eat something cold & hot at the same time?
73. Same thing with sweet & sour...but sweet & salty is a whole other issue. That I love.
74. When Ben & I had pre-marriage counseling, we took a Myers Briggs test. The counselor told us we were not fit to be married & that we were an incompatible couple. I choose to believe she was unfit to be a counselor. Nearly seven years later, & we're as happy as we've ever been.
75. Ben's nickname for me right now is "Pregnant Princess." I love being called that.
76. I think whoever invented the crockpot should be crowned with royalty.
77. I think there should be a requirement for every City to have a Meat & Three within their borders.
78. I secretly enjoy shopping at Cracker Barrel.
79. I publicly enjoy eating at Cracker Barrel.
80. I know every single word & song in Beauty and the Beast.
81. I have broken 3 bones in my lifetime: left ankle, left foot & right arm. All at the same time. Joking, just wanted to make sure you were still reading.
82. I used to think scrapbooking was lame. I'm now in the middle of my second scrapbook. Don't knock it til you try it.
83. I am on a perpetual search for the perfect black pants & the perfect white tailored shirt.
84. I am in awe of my husband daily because of the bond he creates with teenagers. I wish I could be more like him. It's unreal to see, in that they just gravitate toward him.
85. I am a creature of habit.
86. I love to take really really hot baths.
87. My grandpa used to say "Pretty is as pretty does." I've learned that this is always true.
88. When I start laughing uncontrollably, I always lean into the person I'm sitting next to. Some might call that obnoxious. I call it endearing.
89. I watch the Food Network every single day, but I rarely use any of the recipes I see on the shows.
90. If there is one thing I would die of fear from, it would be snakes. I have nightmares about them & can hardly look at them.
91. I'm beginning to see that I'm more like my dad every day. I love this.
92. Ben & I have a tradition that in mid-December, we watch "It's a Wonderful Life" together. You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary.
93. I am an early riser. I love waking up between 6am & 7am.
94. As much as I try, I will never enjoy football. I try though. Ben has watched 42 hours of the Food Network, & I have watched 42 seconds of football.
95. Dale Earnhardt Jr. is my favorite racecar driver.
96. If I could have any car in the world right now, it would be a Honda Odyssey.
97. I used to be a Vines Vikette my sophomore year of high school. This means I was on the dance team.
98. I read gossip websites daily.
99. If I could only have one food for the rest of my life, it would be toast with peanut butter & honey on it.
100. I can type 90 words per minute.

Whew. Harder than I thought. You try it.
Talk to ya.

We're In!

The new house, that is. Surrounded by boxes, pictures that need to be hung, & a beautiful picturesque forest scenery behind us, we're doing pretty well. Still lots to do, but no more heavy lifting. I'm sitting here at Starbucks because we don't have cable or internet yet.

I've started with Season 1 of Sex and the City, & plan on making my way through each season until cable is installed. Can't beat it with a stick. Our sweet boy has been in St. Louis for nearly 2 weeks with Ben's parents! It's really hard being without him, but moving with him would have been much harder, as we all know how fun it can be with toddler meltdowns. He comes back this Saturday morning & is excited to come back to "Lincoln's house," as he so blatantly puts it. From check-ins with my mother-in-law, Sherry, I have learned that the little monster has learned how to climb out of his Pack-n-Play, & is just walking out of his bedroom at night. Sherry will be watching TV & all of a sudden she'll hear, "Hi Mi-Maw!"...Lincoln is standing right beside her, acting as if it's the most normal thing in the world to have climbed out of his bed & come strolling in. What a firecracker.

Not much else to report, except that we had a very moving experience the day we moved out of the apartment. A little history first: when we first moved in to the blessed E-4, we bought a microwave. And I use the term "microwave" quite loosely here. It was $35 from K Mart. It was a turn-dial microwave & about the size of my fist. I could fit nary a plate in there...only small bowls. We were trying to save money, & it seemed like a wise choice to save money on. After about a week of using it, Ben looked at me & said, "Worst purchase ever." We suffered through that thing, never knowing exactly how far to turn the dial before our food was black, charred, & smelling like burnt plastic. Poor Lincoln had to suffer as well, always very fearful of putting his cup in his mouth, for fear that his milk would be ice cold or smoldering hot. So on August 16, we walked out of the apartment & threw that god-forsaken thing right into the dumpster. Ben couldn't have been happier. Now we're in Heaven at our new house because we can actually SEE how much time we have left before our food is done. Man, we're easy to please.

Ta-Ta for now.

These are a few of my favorite things...

Air conditioning.
Dill pickles.
Hot dogs with yellow mustard.
Mexican food.
Hot & spicy anything.
Elastic waistbands.
Built-in bras.
Ponytails.
"Chips & Dip" time with my son.
October.
Ben's sense of humor.
The smell of the top of my son's head.
Laughing so hard I almost pee my pants.

Just thought I'd tell you what suits my fancy these days.

I'm a Ford Man!

We got Lincoln his very first Power Wheels Ford F-150 yesterday. Ben assembled it last night, while I put on all the decals. Lincoln loved sitting in it last night, so this morning we automatically assumed he would like driving it himself. Boy, was that the ultimate wrong assumption. This morning after church, we went to the abandoned parking lot across from our apartment complex & put him in the truck. Here's the first picture where he did not realize that he was pushing on the pedal. He was pretty calm, collected, & clueless:

Then when he finally realized that he was the one making it move, he panicked & tried to jump out of the truck. From then on, it was screaming, crying, & basically an all-around fit that wanted nothing to do with the truck. Yippy skippy. So we had to use a lure. Here's Lure #1, Lincoln's "night-night" (stuffed animal elephant) driving:

That didn't work very well because Lincoln just looked at the elephant & said, "Elephant go fast." It was like he was cheering the elephant on, but still not wanting to go near the truck.
Here's Lure #2. Get a kick outta this one:

Yeah...I think the weight limit for the truck is 65 pounds. Ha. It was like trying to squeeze into a pair of size 2T jeans. So we were left with nothing else to do besides force it. We knew he would enjoy it if he just tried it out again, so we sat him in there & ran around the parking lot with him clapping & hollering. He finally started to laugh!
Here's him stopping for a break to pick his nose:

And we even got a smile out of him in this one:

All in all, he enjoyed his first day with the Ford. Maybe tomorrow will be even better.